The Jester's Basement

Surprise Comment

2008-11-15T02:56:00.003-05:00

Today I found a comment on my blog!! It was from someone I don't know (or if I know them, I don't realize it) and was very nice. Now, not that many people read my blog. I write for myself; to get my thoughts from the jumble of my head and into some semblance of order.

Anyway, it was like a little dollop of sunshine in my otherwise rainy day (it really did rain here most all day).

Thank you mystery commenter. :)

Andy

Leaves

2008-11-07T08:34:00.002-05:00

As I drove Tim to school today, I couldn't help but notice the way the sun hit the changing leaves. It was like the mountains that surround us were awash with the every hue of yellow, red and orange.

To think that God did this for us. He created a world where every autumn, the leaves would die and fall off of the trees. But, before they did that, they would change into this awesome show.

I need to find my digital camera and take some pics.

Andy

the finish line

2008-11-04T01:34:00.002-05:00

this has been the longest presidential election that i can ever remember. and thankfully, it ends tomorrow. i'm not sure what television and radio stations will do with out the ad revenue that they have been getting from the election. this is my first presidential election living in a "battleground" state and i can tell you that it wore me out.

the choices just stink this year: i can't find it in myself to buy into any candidates stuff. my pastor says "vote christian"; and i hear what he's saying. he raised several key issues and says that they are important to God. but, he didn't mention some others that (as i read the bible) also seem important.

what about the poor? what about the widows and orphans? what about honesty?

i am just so de-thused (which is the opposite of enthused) by the process the only thing that i can feel good about is that it's over tomorrow (or man, i hope its over tomorrow).

my plan is simple: go and vote for some people (i'm about 90% sure who i'm voting for); then pray for whoever wins (because they will need it and it's very hard to harbor ill-feelings about people you are praying for). i don't really think that anything much will change after this election -- but i blame past elections for that. i'd love to see a movement rise up that decides that the life of unborn children are as important as abolition, suffrage or civil rights.

but, i don't think that it's the president who will do that. i think, (sure really) that it's we the people who have to rise up to see to that. anyone ready to stand up? right now, i'm too tired to use capital letters. :)

espn classic is re-airing the texas-texas tech football game from saturday on tuesday night. if you didn't see that game, and you're ready to not listen to any more election stuff - you should totally go and check it out. it was an exciting game.

andy

Wonderful

2008-10-29T02:07:00.003-04:00

I was thinking this morning about how much I miss singing the Messiah every Christmas season. And, I started thinking about the scripture the Handle used while composing that work.

If you're familiar with the work, you know that it's just a store house of scripture about the qualities of Our Savior. But, the verse that struck me (today) was Isaiah 9:6: For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given and the government shall be upon His shoulder. And His name shall be called: Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

The first name Isaiah was told to give Jesus is Wonderful. Wonderful.

He really is. And, He's coming again. Wonderful!

Worship

2008-10-23T01:13:00.001-04:00

We had our regular Wednesday service tonight only it wasn’t all that regular. The Holy Spirit showed up with amazing power. It wasn’t really all that showy a thing, it was just a very heavy, peaceful, resting kind of presence.

It was something. (At times like this, I find English to be a pitiful tool for communicating. There really are no words to describe what the Holy Spirit is like – He’s God. And, somehow, even “God” doesn’t really do Him justice.)

I am awed by David’s question (as I think David was), “What is man that You are mindful of him?” (Psalm 8:4) Why does God care about us? Care enough to see us refreshed?

While I would like a better answer, the one that I am left with is: “Because.” Tonight, as I am still awash in His presence; that answer is enough for me. Tomorrow, I will try to keep “Because” enough.

Happy Birthday, PJ! I love you and I am so blessed that you are my pastor.

Peace -- Andy

Today's Fox ...

2008-10-22T10:53:00.003-04:00

is the snooze bar. My job doesn't require me to be at work at any specific hour, it just requires that I get done the things that I need to get done. So, after writing about how I need to go on a "fox hunt" ... today hits and I spend the first several waking moments hitting the snooze bar to get "just 5 more minutes" of sleep.

How can my still-pseudo-sleeping mind believe that "5 more minutes" of sleep would be all that helpful? I have no idea. I am thinking about taking the cover off the clock and breaking the snooze bar so that my options are: start the day, don't start the day.

Grrrrr ... Andy

Busy

2008-10-21T23:54:00.002-04:00

PJ was giving his Wednesday night lesson last week. And, he said something along the lines of "if you're too busy to have a daily quiet time, you're too busy". Yes, it hurts when people say things like that. Scott Heine's recent sermon about honor the Sabbath day said essentially the same thing (only -- instead of a daily quiet time, it was a daily quiet time (6 days a week) and an entire day once a week). So, I am being convicted from "all sides".

Yes: I am too busy. As I have started to look for places to cut back my life, I am struck by the way that little things tend to pile up and push me off bigger things (that in turn pile up -- and make a giant pile of things).

Somewhere, there's a verse about "little foxes spoiling the vine" ... but how that applies to my life. Important things get squeezed out: God, sleep, exercise (now check that out: God, Rest, Health. What could be much more important than those three?).

I have a fox problem and I need to figure out just how to get rid of it.

Peace.

Yeah -- Pandora Musical Genes

2008-10-16T00:32:00.005-04:00

So, in my life's goal to be more like Scott Heine, I too created my very own Pandora channel.

Pandora is very cool; I think that (long ago) I played around with it. But it has much more music now and way more variety. My station is a mix of Blues, Jazz, Rock and a smattering of Afro-Pop, Funk and Middle-Eastern music. I have spent about two days training it to get the stuff I don't really like out of it. And, I think it now works well.

So -- I invite you to try Radio Free Andy. Thanks for popping over.

Andy

Fried Olives and Rain

2008-10-14T02:15:00.004-04:00

Lyn and I took a trip to Atlantic Beach last weekend. We left the boys with my parents and traveled onto the beach. This was the first time we had both been without both boys. And, they did just fine (we did too).

We found ourselves thinking about them often. Usually when we did, we would look at the other and say ... "I miss the boys." the other would nod. But, as much as we missed them -- it was good to have time away from them.

It rained on us for most of our trip and so we didn't have as many walks on the beach as we had wanted. But, we did have a great time together; ate a ton of great fresh seafood (and I had yummy fried olives), shopped in some cheesy beach stores; laughed and (I think) reconnected on some levels where we have been missing each other.

I certainly left with a much greater reminder of why I love my wife as much as I do.

I would be remiss to not mention the places where we had such great food: the Sanitary Restaurant and Fish Market and Cafe Zito

The Sanitary sits right on the Bogue Sound and has a lot of tables that face the water. The entire back wall is windows. I guess you could say that it's plain; but plain and good food and reasonable prices are pretty good mix. I highly recommend the cold boiled shrimp.

Cafe Zito also serves fresh fish as well as mostly local produce and homemade desserts. Zito is one of those places that we can't afford to go to often - but always try and make the most of when we do. Everything about this place adds to its atmosphere: it's in an old house and they have tables outside on the porch; the artwork, music, amazing wait staff (I have never had bad service when one of the owners waits on me) and (of course) the food come together to make a memorable date night. Everything looked so good -- we had a hard time deciding on what to get. I had the catch of the day and it was perfect.

If you find yourself in Eastern North Carolina, you should totally check these places out.

I am very thankful for my long weekend and my wife. I am a very blessed man.

Ten Years

2008-10-04T15:33:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my tenth wedding anniversary. Lyn asked me if it really "felt" like ten years. I'm still rolling that question over in my head. It has (without reservation) been my best ten years (since I am conveniently 41 -- I can easily breakdown my life into my 1-10, 11-20, 21-30, 31-40...).

Lyn really is my better half, complimenting me where I am weak and allowing me to do the same for her. She allows me to lead our family; even when I am boneheaded. She even makes it easy -- and she so could make it hard. She's smart, strong-willed and right more than she is wrong.

We married later in life than most of our friends; we had kids later (as well). I will be 57 when Mack graduates from High School (barring something odd pushing it up or back). And, while I am blissfully happy with Lyn - I don't think that our marriage would be as good (maybe not intact) had we met and married even a few years earlier. God need to season us both to make us ready for each other.

I marvel at the way God protects me (and Lyn) from myself. He knows me even better than I know myself and proves that everyday. He protects Lyn (and me) from her. He used time to grow us into safer versions of ourselves (even when we're sure we know what we need).

Thank God! He is in control and I am not. Thank God for my beautiful wife!

He who has found a wife has found a good thing!

Indeed!
Andy

My Amazing Wife

2008-09-27T23:32:00.001-04:00

This morning, we all got up early and drove out to EC Glass High School. Lyn, dressed (uncharacteristically) in spandex and lubed up with Vaseline, was preparing to run the Virginia Ten Miler. The morning was overcast and very humid. And the raceway was packed.

Mack, Tim and I cheered as Lyn ran past us with the starting stampede (there were a lot of others), pounding the pavement with her feet. I think that she had a bit of nerves before starting the race; she seemed less at ease in the car as we drove over. But starting, those were gone and replaced with her tenacity.

With the race started, the we left the start/finish line ... she told me that she would be back sometime after 110 minutes. We mostly goofed off. Tim asked lots of questions about her and wondered if she’d “win”. Tim is big into winning.

I tried my best to answer his questions: tried to explain that winning and losing didn’t really apply here. This was more about besting yourself and the course (despite the fact that they had a timer and one her friends wouldn’t run the 10 mile race because she didn’t think she’d finish fast enough ... maybe it is more about winning than I let on). “Besting yourself” didn’t sound all that great to the boy.

We wandered back to the start/finish line at about the 1 hour 40 mark to watch for her and cheer on those who were finishing. Dressed in pink, we knew that we’d see her as she approached (up a long hill). Every form that came up the hill in pink made Tim say: Dad! That’s her!

But, it wasn’t really her. Tim and I (and Mack too) watched with the hope that the next pink-clad runner would be Lyn. Finally, we saw her (and unlike the time that Tim thought that a 9-year old girl looked like his mom: it really was her). She looked pretty spent, but had a smile on her face.

She was also locked in a duel with a 80 year-old man. He tired to press her on the left, but she would not be passed. He tried again; but she forced herself faster. I could tell that there was no way he was going to beat her. Finally, she put him behind her for good, breaking into an even bigger smile as she plowed on toward the finish line.

We started cheering as soon as she was within ear shot. Mack started calling “Mommmmmiiiiieeee!!!!” while Tim and I waved madly. I wish that I had been standing behind the finish line so I could have seen her face as she crossed. Lyn pounded ten miles of Lynchburg streets and paths into submission today and I couldn’t have been prouder. She even out-paced her Octogenarian nemesis.

I don’t think that she was very happy with her time: it was the slowest she’s ever run this course before (she ran it several times in practice). But, I can’t really bring myself to care about the time. She went out and raced: beating the humidity, her legs and the miles into submission.

She did it!

Church at GenCon

2008-09-25T01:56:00.000-04:00

In 2002, Dave Mattingly asked me to lead worship for the GenCon church service. I think it was the first one, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I got together with the guy who was going to give the devotional – he played guitar. He had two friends who played percussion and we had a brief practice before the 9AM service and we sounded great.

But, before I get into that, a bit of background. This was my first GenCon and I was there to help my company with our release of the Fifth Edition of Champions. GenCon is a giant role-playing game convention, and I believe that the attendance numbers in excess of 20,000. It starts on Thursday and is over on Sunday and is called “the best four days in gaming”.

Exhibitors get in on Wednesday and set up. Sell, sell, sell Thursday-Sunday. Then there’s the swag and trade session on Sunday before the mad dash to break down.

Attendees (and exhibitors) generally stay up late playing games, going to parties or generally hanging out. And, by “stay up late”, I mean ... 3AM late. And so, back to Dave and the church service. Smartly, he didn’t want to cut into Con time; so he held the service at 9AM on the fourth day of the Con.

That first year, when we had a guitarist and two people playing percussion, we had exactly zero people show up. This was my first time to ever lead worship and I was – no kidding – leading to the “audience of One”. It’s tough to sing, full-voiced to an empty room. But, we did just that. The weirdness of the moment seemed to increase when a woman walked in.

She was confused at the singing and such. We welcomed her; and she asked: “Is this advanced chess tactics?” We said “No.” and she asked it if was OK for her to sit in the back and read. We said “Yes.”

In that moment, our audience doubled! Our service continued, Tony gave a short devotional message and we went our way – only I didn’t feel like I had been working 12 hour days and then staying up late. I felt refreshed and wonderful.

And now, the present.

After six years of not going to GenCon, I went back this year (and had a blast). Dave asked me to lead worship and I agreed. Only, I didn’t have the guitar player or the two drummers. But, I figured that there are worse things than not having instruments. I showed up around 8:30 (for the 9AM service), looked over the song sheet and did what little setting up I needed to do.

People slowly being to fill the room. No one really looked all that fresh as the service began. I confess that when I walked in, I was desperately clinging to my coffee cup trying to shake myself into wakefulness. This was day four of the convention and everyone looked it.

Dave welcomed everyone and introduced me. I told the story about the “advanced chess girl” and the last time I lead worship here. I looked up and saw a room that was full. There were people standing against the back wall!! My, how it had grown!

We started simply, with the Doxology before moving into other songs. The sounds of our praise began to fill the room and then out into the hotel where the church was being held. Quickly, I felt the restorative touch of God as my weariness lifted. I was filled with His power; the room was filled with His presence.

There were times when I stopped singing and just allowed the sounds of all those voices wash over me. There is something to be said about the simple beauty of people singing in unison, without instrumental accompaniment. It was powerful. I found myself so full of joy that my moment of listening was soon ended by the need to express the joy that God placed in my heart.

When the song service had ended, we had a short devotion that was the word we needed to hear. Derek White (www.geekpreacher.com) delivered a powerful word to us – calling us to be more inclusive; more forgiving and more Christ-like in our lives.

We followed that by taking Communion and then we sang “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” (a song that I do not particularly like, but felt lead to sing). I felt Derek take my hand and I took someone else’s and soon we stood – raising each other’s hands in praise to our God.

As I walked away with another friend of mine, we discussed just how refreshed we felt. God moved. And, He moved on our behalf.

One last note – and this is about Dave. Dave took up the task of this church service and does it twice a year (once at Origins (in June) and once at GenCon (is August)). He had scant attendance for the first 4 or so times he did it (my memory is that there were 12 total people at 4 services (and that includes the 1 from my 2002 GenCon service).

To his credit (though he is too humble to take any), Dave kept doing his job. He ferried the communion parts, organized someone to lead worship and then someone to give a word. He had signs and cards made, got space in the hotel/convention center, and the convention program (except when they left it out).

He did all this work and saw very little physical fruit. I’m sure the felt the peace of God rest upon him; I’m sure he felt the strength of the joy that God gave him. But, I’m also sure that he saw 12 people over 4 years and wondered just how long God was going to ask him to do this.

Dave could have given up at any time. But he didn’t. The third or fourth year they had 50 people and now it’s around 100.

I tried to tell Dave this year just how great a thing he was doing. Dave told me it was “nothing”. And here, he and I have a great disagreement. What Dave did/does is something and it is something wonderful. He’s a great mover in the Kingdom of God and someone who has shown that he is trustworthy with the talent that God has given him.

And so, I’d like to say: Thanks Dave and thanks God for picking someone like him.

Look -- Down On The Earth

2008-09-15T22:37:00.003-04:00

Sunday night, Lyn came home and pulled me outside. She wanted to show me how pretty the moon was. Even though trees partially blocked our sight-line, I could tell that the moon was in its full glory: luminous and wondrous. I went to bed thinking about the stars and moon: I really do love the night sky.

I woke up, my mind still contemplating how magnificent the night sky is: how amazing God's creations are; how amazing God is. I took my devotion time from "just waking up" into prayer and the Bible.

I read a couple of Psalms and then continued my study in Job. But soon, I began to think: people are more complex than the moon. God created the moon for us, just as He created the sun and the earth (and the rest of the universe) for us. And, while I gladly, freely and wondrously worship God in the beauty of the moon and the star.

I don't think that I have ever worshiped God in the beauty and the wonder of another person?

When I asked Lyn about this, she corrected me and pointed to our boys. I had to agree.

When she was pregnant, I often watched her with wonder and thanked God for His amazing creations. I watched as the boys were born into this world and have watched them grow with the same sense of awe and worship. But, they are not the only people God created.

I began to wonder just how precious are we to God. Are we more precious, more valuable, more awe-inspiring than the Moon? I think the answer is yes.

Yes: we are. As I walk, I need to start to see others in the awe of their creation and not the annoyance of their fallen-ness. I need to learn to worship God in the glory of these beings -- more splendid and loved than all the rocks (earth-bound or otherwise) in the universe.

It seems clear that I need to start with my wife and kids. I need to re-find the joy that I found in them in earlier times. Wait, back that up a second, please.

I need to start with myself. I need to find the joy that God takes in me; I need to reconnect to my purpose and begin to really live it. Then, once that's taken care of, I can move onto my family -- and the greater world outside.

Psalm 8 says that God "...crowned man with glory and honor...". If that's really true, I should look for that glory and honor in everyone I meet, giving God worship for His amazing creations.

Man is special. More so than the entire rest of nature. Man: made in the image of God; formed from the stuff of the earth; placed a little lower than the angels. What am I that You are mindful of me?

What are we?

Andy

I Really Should Be Working

2008-09-13T17:42:00.000-04:00

Tim just asked me a couple of uncomfortable questions, reminding me that the world isn’t as I want it to be. And that I can’t control everything for him anymore.

On the television show Dawson’s Creek, the main character Dawson (who’s parents were divorced) said something like this:

“It was like you two walked into my room and destroyed every toy that I loved. Then looked at me and said ‘now you clean it up’.”

I can’t really think of a more apt way of describing what divorce does to families and kids – not that I have any first hand experience. I have had friends who have been divorced and I have seen the devastation that it creates.

Tim has a friend who’s parents are getting divorced. He comes to me and tells me things that his friend says to him or things he overhears and asks me what that means. It’s hard to explain. I’m not certain that – had I ever gone though it – I could explain it to him.

But, my heart breaks for the kids caught in the middle, as well as the parents at the ends of this fight. At some point, divorce was just not something that was done ... no matter how bad the marriage was. And, there are parts of me that thinks it would be good if we could go back to that: when divorce was a dirty word.

But, that’s probably not for the best. Probably.

I blame us for divorce really; “us”, “Christians”. We ran this country at some point in the not too distant past. And, we let ourselves get caught up in the evil of this world. Or, maybe we never let ourselves get uncaught up in the evil of it.

We allowed words like abortion and divorce to become words without stigma. Sadly, we couldn’t also make them actions without pain. We are left with people who are broken; and I am at a loss for words to comfort them.

How can you make a child believe that their Heavenly Father loves them when their Earthly one just walked out the door? How can you make a mother believe that there is forgiveness for an abortion; or a gay man feel the acceptance of Christ? The Body seems to intent on pushing them away for their sin. How do you teach a teenager that their body is the Temple of God when everyone else tells them that it’s ok to have sex before marriage?

Other than “well, you just do.” I don’t have a lot of answers for these questions. And, with two boys going up so fast, I’m going to need answers for some of these questions sooner rather than later.

I have to get back to work. But, I needed to write this and at least start (for myself and my family) the process of letting God give me His answers for these questions.

Thanks for listening -- Andy

WOW

2008-08-28T01:26:00.002-04:00

I have been traveling this month. Two weeks ago, I was in Indianapolis at GenCon (and I have a half-written blog about that on my home PC). Tonight, I am in Seattle getting ready to attend the Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) with the team from Cryptic (our new corporate masters).

Anyway, I have never been west of the Mississippi -- until today. I really wish that I could have taken the time to drive this trip. There's something about seeing something from the ground (or there is for me). However, I *must* share this:

I woke up from a nap on the plane today, looked out my window and there were the Rockies. WOW! Good-googily-moogily! WOW! I mean, I live near the Blue Ridge Mountains and I get to see them everyday. And, they are beautiful, bucolic; but these were giant, sharp-peaked, tall. I guess that I already knew that. But seeing them for myself that head knowledge became heart knowledge.

I feel very small thinking about those mountains. The world is such an amazing place, so full of beauty. I am glad for the opportunity to see more of it than I ever had before. And, I look forward to coming back here and seeing it again.

From Seattle -- Andy

Summer Movies Number Two

2008-07-22T02:01:00.003-04:00

Ah -- warm popcorn and a diet coke. Very little makes me happier than the simple pleasure of sitting in a dark room, in a comfy chair watching a movie with popcorn and a drink. So - here are my thoughts on my next batch of movies.

1. Street Kings: I loved LA Confidential and was looking forward to this James Ellroy movie as well. I got to see if for a dollar (and at that price, it's hard to feel ripped off (but not impossible)). First, this movie is not for everyone. Profanity and violence are rampant. If that kind of things bothers you, stay away. But, the story was wonderful. The turns and twists and ending remind me of classical stories. The acting was well done (Forrest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie were wonderful). If you are a fan of violent, hard-boiled, dirty cop movies (or even TV shows), you should check this out.

2. Forbidden Kingdom: Jet Li (who cannot act) and Jackie Chan (who is like 80) are combined for the first time in a martial arts movie. As I watched it, I noticed that Chan used a stunt man (and I was kinda saddened by that - until I realized that he's 90 and just can't do back flips anymore). I wondered ... why didn't someone suggest this ten years ago? Jet's acting hasn't really improved since then and they were both way more in their physical primes. The Jet/Jackie fight sequence could have been really something (instead of just good).

I have grown tired of "the wire" in my movies, at least in fight scenes. The mark of a great fight scene is (IMHO) foot-work. That kind of thing can't be faked and the foot work here was superb.

Overall, I liked this movie - but to be honest, I really wanted to like it. Watching Jackie Chan act is a gift. He's funny, charismatic and athletic. If I let it bother me, it does bother me that an American kid got drawn into this tale of Chinese mythology. But, only if I let it. Kung-Fu Panda was a better martial arts story (and had better action). But, I don't think you'll be disappointed if (if you like "Black Belt Theater") you sit down one lazy Sunday afternoon and catch this on Cable.

3. The Hulk: Ed Norton is a great actor. It's sad they gave him such a bad script. I really didn't like this movie.

Next time: Hancock and The Dark Knight.

Summer Movies Number 1

2008-07-16T16:34:00.003-04:00

I loves me the movies. Three of my general fiction loves are Superheroes, Martial Arts and Science Fiction. So - this is my summer of movie goodness.

Some of these were movies I saw in second run theaters (formerly "dollar theaters" -- but everything goes up). The only movie that I have really wanted to go and see but haven't is Wall-E. Lyn took Tim to see that without me. Dark Knight opens Friday and I'm hoping to catch that "soon".

1. Iron Man: Expectations low - very low really. Loved it. That being said, this is not really a superhero movie for kids. Much like the comics, they seem to be making these movies for an older audience. The story was good; action was good. Robert Downey, Jr. was refreshing on the very flawed Tony Stark. The movie essentially retold the origin of Iron Man with some modern updating. And they threw in the (Iron Man #200) Iron Monger as the supervillain. I didn't mind any of the changes -- everything made sense. Jeff Bridges really (really) was menacing, he was great.

2. Speed Racer: Expectations low - lower than Iron Man. Loved it! Those "W" brothers do it again (and do it again like the first Matrix movie, not the other two). This movie was beautiful with "WOW!" special effects. The story was predictable, but it's Speed Racer ... did anyone expect that he would lose?

3. Kung-Fu Panda: Expectations low. Loved it. Very funny, very classic story. And the ending pointed back to one of my favorite (bad) martial arts movies of all time. The voice casting was amazing. Story was predictable (but, it was also a classic story).

Next time: Street Kings, Forbidden Kingdom, the Hulk (and maybe Dark Knight).

Andy

Waiting

2008-07-15T14:07:00.002-04:00

I ordered an MP3 player a bit ago from an internet site. I remember going nuts while I was waiting for them to send me a tracking number; then I went buggy wondering why it wasn't moving through the system faster.

Normally, when I order electronics from an online vendor, I pay to have them shipped faster. But, normally, it's a computer or something pricey and the extra expense doesn't really feel like very much added.

But - with this little player - it was adding nearly 25% to the price of the purchase. And, that got me to not pay the premium. So, I waited and I waited and then, I kinda forgot that I had ordered it at all. I forgot so much that, when it did arrive, I was surprised.

Generally speaking, I hate waiting. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it! I don't even like waiting to give my wife her birthday or Christmas gifts ... if I buy them early, I just want her to have them right away. Making her wait to receive, making myself wait to give ... seems mean.

I guess God doesn't mind that I think of Him as mean from time to time. He seems to make me wait all the time, and usually wait right up to and past the point of my ability to rationally deal with (well) waiting. He pushes my limits all the time: He either likes seeing me go all bug-nuts or He's on some program to make me grow. (And there are times when I'm pretty sure that (sometimes) it's both.)

And then, there is Tim.

Tim: who is always in motion; Tim: who never stops (to think, or breath, or reason, or listen). But, Tim is six and expecting him to wait (much less wait patiently) is like expecting a tree to grow wings and start walking. And, part of my job as a good dad, is to help Tim understand the need for waiting and the many wonderful things we can do while we wait.

I try to explain that time is a gift and we can do so much in the times we have to wait. We can even have fun or be productive or be creative (which is productive + fun). He looks at me like I just told him that I love pretty, pink ponies. And I realize that he must think that I either like seeing him go bug-nuts or that I'm on some program to try and grow him -- and I'm pretty sure that most times, it's both.

So - to recap: #1 - I hate waiting. But, I should learn to love the time spent waiting; because there's just so much that can be done with that time. #2 - Tim hates waiting. #3 - God is a better parent than I am and I should listen more.

Hopefully, if you were waiting on this blog post - it was worth your time. And, you won't have to wait so long for the next one.

Peace - Andy

Note

2008-07-04T00:29:00.003-04:00

Two posts in three days ... don't take this as a sign that I'm going to keep this kind of post rate up. Didn't want to get anyone's hopes up.

As the Gin Blossoms said: "If you don't expect too much from me, you might not get let down."

Andy

Andy's Pet Peeves (number 7432)

2008-07-04T00:28:00.000-04:00

This is kind of a rant, but hopefully one that also informs. It's 4 July 2008 and my mind often runs to thoughts of the freedom we enjoy here in America. I am a big fan of freedom; especially the freedom we have here in the States. Freedom based on the laws set out in our Constitution; a document written more than 200 years ago and is still relevant today.

However – despite years of disinformation and misinformation, it is not a document based upon Biblical laws. The Law (as set forth in Torah) is really nothing like the Bill of Rights. Certainly there are Ten Commandments and there are Ten Amendments to the Constitution in the Bill of Rights. But, the similarities stop there.

The difference is really elemental and foundational. The Ten Commandments set up limited to personal freedom as the cost for being the “Children of God”; while the Bill of Rights tells our Government the ways that they may not infringe upon our personal freedom. That's the biggest difference.

Specifically, the first four Commandments are restrictions of our Freedoms of Worship and Speech. Those Commandments set up the under-pinnings of a State Religion; and this was certainly an anathema to men who grew up either running from religious persecution or with the forced compliance of the Church of England.

The rest ... well, we have laws against Murder and Theft. But, most countries do. Certainly Islamic nations do, as do Communist nations and I think that anyone would be hard pressed to agree that those nations were created under “Biblical Principles”.

However ... there are also prohibitions against dishonoring your parents, lying, adultery and envy. None of those are considered crimes under our Constitution (and as someone who has dishonored their parents, lied, been envious and (in my heart) committed adultery ... I am thankful).

The architects of our brand of freedom were Age of Enlightenment thinkers. And, I put forward that it was Enlightenment philosophy that was the basis for our Constitution and not the Bible.

The “point” of the Bill of Rights is the protection of personal liberty at the expense of the State. The “point” of the Law is restricted personal liberty for the good of the individual. Those kinds of restrictions fly in the face of Enlightenment philosophy.

I feel better now. Happy Fourth of July – go and grill something. And, if you get the chance, say “Thank you” to someone who helped earn this wonderful freedom we all enjoy.

Andy

Experimental Church

2008-07-02T23:50:00.000-04:00

Want to blog about my Wednesday night service tonight. First, kudos to JC (not Jesus) for the idea.

Let me explain what we did and then I'll tell you how great it was.

After a short Praise and Worship time, we moved our chairs into a circle and JC explained his plan for the night. In short, it was a different kind of corporate Praise & Worship. It was a time of focused corporate prayer.

We started out meditating on Psalm 100 and pulling the definitions for God from that.

Verse 3a: Know that the Lord, He is God
Verse 3b: It is He who has made us
Verse 3c: We are His people and the sheep of His pasture
Verse 5a: For the Lord is good
Verse 5b: His mercy is everlasting
Verse 5c: And His truth endures to all generations

We prayed this scripture and others that came to mind; each time focusing on a meaning of God.

We moved from this, to confessing how we know that God is God. While the first part was very heavy on scripture; this part was more personal and more intimate. But – it was also corporate and there were walls that were being torn down between those of us there.

From time to time, people who start a song and we'd sing it through a couple of times. And, then move back to prayer or an insight.

Next, JC passed out a page with the names of God; we meditated on these and when one of them spoke to us – we prayed that. Confessed that God is “the God who heals” or “the Lord of peace” and what that meant to us.

Finally, we broke into groups of three; and we each confessed something that we were having a struggle with – then the other two people in our group prayed for us. It was very private and open ... and it was wonderful and scary.

OK – so that's what we did (more or less – I didn't take notes). But, what happened was that walls were torn down between us and we were forced – if we really wanted to commune with God – to commune with each other. To begin to create community.

Community. Something that my church has been needing. It really was a beautiful thing; and I was so honored that God had me there tonight.

Thanks JC (both of you).
Andy

Spider Webs

2008-06-03T19:51:00.001-04:00

The other day, I was getting into my car and I walked through a spider web. It was – well if you have ever walked through one, you know – it was yucky. I spent the next five minutes of driving trying to get whatever remained off of me. The only thing that really helped was getting my mind off the webs and onto wherever it was that I was driving.

So – other than to remind you just how sticky and clingy spider webs are – why would I relate this?

It got me thinking. Most emotions are like spider webs. When you spend a lot of time around people who are angry (or people who are happy), you end up feeling those feelings of anger on you until you can “get them off”. It is as if the people we spend time with have the ability to impose their emotions on us (and I would guess, we on them). It rarely matters when we are around happy people, who really minds being happy (other then Emo kids)?

It also struck me that when we praise and worship God, we are creating an atmosphere that can infect those around us – even those who have no real desire to praise or worship. I’m not just talking about music here; I’m talking about the attitude with which we live our lives. Being around someone who is prayerful and listening to them, will make you more prayerful (at least until you get distracted and forget about it). Being around and listening to someone who lives their life with an attitude of worship, will make us live more worshipfully.

So – what are you listening to, when you turn your radio on? What am I listening to right now? Honestly, I’m listening to some pretty angry and depressed music. Maybe I need to reconsider that. Maybe I’m allowing these spider webs to stay on me while I walk through the rest of my life.

It’s certainly something to think about.

Out.

Judgment And Grace

2008-02-26T15:14:00.001-05:00

I found myself meditating on Jonah this morning. I like the story of Jonah. And, I often think of myself as someone who needs to needs to learn from the lessons of his life.

The most famous part of the Jonah story I often think of as a metaphor for my own life.
1. Run from God.
2. Stop running and start sinking.
3. Gracefully eaten by leviathan.
4. Getting spit out and doing what God wanted me to do in the first place.

As I meditated on this today, I began to think about the Grace part: where God has Jonah eaten to save him; and what happened just before that.

Jonah essentially decided that he would face God’s judgment and had people throw him overboard – to certain death. God followed that up with His grace and salvation. This is the pattern that God exposed to me this morning: before we can experience His grace, we need to put ourselves at the mercy of His judgment: no judgment, no grace.

This pattern is played out several times in scripture. The adulterous woman, asked Jesus (after He had sent the crowd of “stoners” away) if He would cast the first stone (He certainly met the criteria for that). She exposed herself to His judgment; he said “go and sin no more.”

I believe, that true repentance is looking to God and saying: “I know that I am unholy and a sinner. I know that You are the holy and true judge. Please, whatever it costs, I accept your judgment.” It is only when we have accepted God’s holy judgment, that God can rightfully send His grace.

Joy To The World

2007-12-18T01:42:00.000-05:00

We sang Joy To The World, Sunday. I remembered one of my friends saying that he sings that song “every time he goes to church”. I asked “What’s up with that?” He explained that he goes “once a year at Christmas, to please my wife”. As moved on with the service, I came back to what he said:

“Joy to the world! The Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.”

Those are powerful words: and my heart sticks at “Let earth receive her King”. This is not a sentiment for Christmastime alone; this should be the prayer we cry out daily. It is a song that should be on our lips “every time we go to church”; even as our hearts “prepare Him room”.

Merry Christmas!

Domination and Submission

2007-11-27T09:22:00.000-05:00

We spent – for the first time since we had kids – Thanksgiving alone this year. Having the extra time off (and not driving) was a real blessing and I’m sure that both Lyn and I found some of the sleep that we had been missing.

We sat up late on Thanksgiving night and channel surfed; while we talked the TV ended up on Charlie Rose (a late night talk show on PBS). The show was interviewing chefs who had given recipes or thought to a book called “The Last Supper” (which asks the question: if you were going to eat one last meal, what would you eat and who would you eat it with?). The book seems interesting enough – but at some point, Rose reads from (I think) the introduction, a passage that goes something like this:

Being a chef is the ultimate act of domination. You select the ingredients and lead a crew until you have forced several individual parts into one dish. And, if that is so, then ...

Eating is the ultimate act of submission. Allowing yourself to be served, and forced to the whim, the skill and loves of the chef.

This immediately reminded me of one of my grandmothers (I’ma – pronounced Ah’maw). She was a country lady who cooked some of the best food I have ever eaten. She cooked all the time; but never sat to eat (at least when anyone could see her). No matter what anyone said to her, she rarely sat and enjoyed the fruits of her own hand.

In this area, she lacked the ability to submit. As this thought was rolling around in my mind, I started to realize just how many areas I have trouble submitting.

Sunday morning, PJ asked someone else to lead worship. As we began to really get to some of the wonderful places, I looked up from my place at the piano and saw him, flat on his face; then later on his knees; then later: jumping up and down with joy.

It touched my heart that he was willing to submit to the leadership of another worship leader; and the move of God. It blessed me to be able to minister to him (as part of the team); even as we were ministering to God and receiving ministry from God.

I can’t help but wonder how great it would have been to have served my I’ma a meal. To show her just how much we loved her by lavishing upon her the very thing that she loved to give us. I think that we all missed something wonderful there.

I am also reminded of Jesus. Who came not to rule; but to serve. But, even He allowed Mary to serve Him. Breaking that precious bottle of perfume over His feet and then wiping His feet with her hair.

Happy December everyone.
Andy

Oh: to play the Last Supper game. I’d like fried chicken; a slice (or 5) of Papa Tim’s home-made country ham; I’ma’s cream corn; fresh snap beans; Lyn’s broccoli casserole; a bottomless glass of sweet tea and (for dessert) I’d like this chocolate layer cake that I’ma used to make and a glass of milk to wash it down. I’d eat it with Lyn, Tim, Mack, and my mom and dad (I’ma would be too busy cooking to come and sit down).

My Last Supper

Without Water

2007-10-23T22:57:00.000-04:00

Weird day today - we lost our water for several hours this morning, afternoon. Water - we use it to keep clean and to keep nourished. And - for most of the days that I have been alive - it's there when I turn a knob or lever. But - today - it was gone.

I went to make Mack some food and there was a terrible spurt sound and then the water stopped coming out. I called our "people" and they came out and fixed the problem (like I said, it was only out for a few hours). But, during that time - I needed to wash my hands several times, I was thirsty and needed to drink and I had to go to the bathroom and flush. Every time I tried to use the water - it was gone and I needed to find a good alternative to get clean or slake my thirst.

I began to think about how much Holy Spirit is like water for us. He nourishes our spirit and He cleans us - flushes out our minds (if you will). As a Christian, I take Holy Spirit for granted (just like the water) and this is wrong. I don't always go daily to Him to study my Bible or even spend any lengthy time in communion with Him.

As I was using Pruell to clean my hands after changing a rather dirty diaper (instead of washing them), I wondered just how dirty was my soul on those days when I decided that I needed to get right to work or answering email rather than taking my daily time with my Cleaner and my true Nourishment.

How many days would I go without a shower? I rarely go more than 24 hours between showers - I hate being stinky. But, how much worse is it to have a soul that's stinky to God?

I need to stop taking the Holy Spirit for granted. I need to start getting what's most important as clean as I am getting my physical body.

I'm glad that my water was turned off and I had a couple of hours of annoyance so that God could show me this valuable lesson.

Days To Remember

2007-10-03T16:15:00.000-04:00

That's Lyn and my sister's youngest daughter (the newly 1) LK and my sister Susan with my youngest boy (Mack) -- this is Christmas 2006 at my parents house.

Last week - on Tuesday (I think) I turned 40. It was neither the world ending day that some had described it -- or the day of nothing that I thought it would be. Part of that is certainly because my wife already passed that number of birthdays and she helped me "gentle" into that day. She and Tim (Mack's not really old enough to help much yet) made that day really special. Then, on Sunday - several friends got together to honor with me a birthday party. It was a wonderful time and they really showered me with love. It's good to have friends.

It's even better when your best friend is also your wife. Today - 3 October - I get to celebrate with her. Today is our ninth anniversary. That's something that I have thought more about than turning 40. Looking back over the last nine years and forward into the next nine is ... humbling really. That this amazing woman would choose to stay with me despite my flaws; that she really does love me ... is something that's hard for me to wrap my mind around.

God has blessed us with two wonderful boys and has grown us both as parents so that we can deal with the strange mix of our traits in each of them. We have our very own house with an overlook of the mountains and Lynchburg below us. It's hard to call this life we live anything but good. There are certainly hardships, fights, sadness. We could certainly have "more". But, "more" seems like an empty chase.

What we have, the blessings that God has given us; the joys that He has placed in our hearts and hands should always out-weigh the "more" that we don't have. Sometimes, it takes special days like this to force me to think back and realize just how good my life is.

I love you Lyn. You honor me with your love and support.
Andy

That's Lyn reading at Tim's fifth birthday party. I'm pretty sure it's a Curious George story. Man - I love her.

PS: This is not just a special week for Lyn and I. It's also special to my sister Susan who celebrated her 5 year anniversary last weekend and the one-year birthday of her second daughter. *And* my cousin, gave birth to her second child on Tuesday. This little boy had to be delivered very early and will spend the next several months in the hospital getting everything properly grown and ready to meet the world. But, I'm sure that God has great plans for him.

The Coolest Guy I Knew

2007-09-07T00:19:00.000-04:00

When I was six years old or so, my best friend's name was David. We had been in school together and we had numerous "playdates" (back before they were called playdates). When we were at my house - we played in the woods that surrounded my parent's house. When we were at his house - we played in the streets and yards around his parent's house. David's mom was super-hella-mega cool: she made him capes! Red Superman capes; Black Batman capes; all kinds of capes. We ran around like superheroes - we never sat when we could stand; never walked when we could run; and never running when we could jump.

We had such great times at his place. But - there was another reason that his house was so cool. He had a big brother - Brian. Brian introduced me to two things that have been with me since I was six: rock-and-roll music and comicbooks. And - at this point in time - rock music meant KISS. I remember thinking how cool KISS was -- I'm pretty sure that the mini-posters from Alive were on his wall - and the sounds "screaming" out of his low-fi turntable. Along with those sounds - he let us read his old Legion of the Superheroes comics.

I can still remember the way they smelled; the way their paper turned in my hands; the joy-ride the stories took me on - even though I could not read at the time. It's a good memory.

I was at my mom and dad's over Labor Day weekend. When -- David's name came up. He's some kind of genius, electronic engineer or something. He runs triathlons now - and does pretty well for a 40 year old guy. Then, I said something to Lyn (my wife - who had never heard of either one of these guys) about the capes and the comicbooks (KISS is still kind of a sore subject in that house). And I said something about Brian being the coolest kid I ever knew. Then - she told me - Brian was maybe too cool and overdosed on drugs in August.

I sat there. I hadn't seen either of them in 20+ years -- I found myself numb. Memories of joy, mixed with this kind of crap. I felt for my old friend who had lost his brother. But apparently - he had lost him years ago. In my mind, Brian is immortal -- every bit as immortal as Demon-skull-boot/fire-breathing/bass-playing Gene Simmons. I've been thinking about those memories since last Saturday when I learned the news. And - I figured that you guys would understand.

I'm going to try and reconnect with David - good friends (even ones you haven't spoken to in a long time) are worth the effort. That's what this has taught me.

Peace -- Andy

Tim's Big Day

2007-06-11T01:23:00.000-04:00

Saturday evening: Tim was one stinky kid. He’d been playing outside all day and really needed a shower. So, I threw him in there. He was busy washing and getting clean. When he said a most wonderful thing to me. He said, “Dad – I’d like Jesus to be my best friend.”

I was thrilled, but – as Tim is only 5 – I wanted to know that he knew what he was doing. We (Tim, Lyn and I) talked for a while about it. He seemed to be have a decent grasp on what he was asking. He understood that he did “wrong things” and the Jesus would forgive him. He understands that, since Jesus is his best friend, he can talk to him and Jesus will talk with him.

I told Tim that – if he really meant it – he would have to tell people that Jesus was his best friend. That would mean going in front of the church and saying it. He agreed.

As I thought about Saturday night, I came to the conclusion that the abstract things would come as Tim grew older. God gave me great peace about this.

Sunday morning: Tim told PJ (my Pastor) what he had decided and asked if he could tell the church – and PJ agreed. At the end of the service, during the alter call, I ran down to the kids room and grabbed Tim and ran back upstairs.

For the benefit of full disclosure: last year, Tim had said the same thing and we had gotten to the top of the stairs when he freaked and locked up his little body. I was waiting for that to happen this time. We turned the corner and started walking up. Tim hesitated, but kept on walking (I was *so* proud).

He made it to the front of the church and PJ put a (live) mike in his hands and asked what he wanted to tell everyone. Tim – froze. I stood behind him and asked a couple of questions. Still, nothing. PJ asked Tim to come to him (he was standing near the pulpit). Tim look one look and dove behind the pulpit. Hitting his knees (not in an act of prayer, but in an act of getting as small as he could) and sliding as far under the pulpit/fort as he could. He then said – as everyone laughed – that he wanted Jesus to be his best friend.

Only God, PJ and I heard that, so PJ asked him again. Tim said that he wanted Jesus to be his Lord; and that he wanted to follow Him for all his life. I was laughing and crying at the same time: totally proud of my boy, full of praise of my Savior.

Father’s Day – a week early.
Andy

PS: If you’re interested in watching the International House of Prayer’s 24 hour-a-day/7-day-a-week prayer service. God TV is streaming it (currently for free). You can watch it at www.god.tv/theprayerroom it’s really something. I recommend only doing this with a broadband connection – as it takes up pretty intense system resources.

The Harvest

2007-05-24T22:18:00.000-04:00

Since Easter, my church has been part of a 50 day, 24 hours a day prayer watch over and for our city (Lynchburg, VA). While it is officially over on Sunday, tonight we had a celebration gathering in honor of the prayer vigil. My time was normally 9 to 10 PM on Saturday night.

It was great to see all the various churches who participated in the event. There were believers from many different traditions – all of whom were putting tradition aside for the better part of unity. It was a wonderful time of celebration, worship and togetherness. I will miss the 50 days when it’s over (my last hour is Saturday). Being alone with God – especially in a place where none of “my stuff” or my kids/wife could interrupt me – was something special.

During the service, one of the speakers said something that spoke to me. Jesus said “pray the Lord of the harvest to send laborers into His harvest.” In the verse before Jesus said that the “harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.”

I have always been told that I needed to pray for “the lost” (the harvest). But, should I be praying for the laborers even more? The harvest is already there; it’s white and waiting to be taken in. All it needs is laborers.

So – while I don’t think it’s error to pray for the lost; I think that I need to be adding into my prayers for laborers (including myself) to be sent into the lives of these people. God has already ripened their hearts; all they need is someone to bring them in.

Something to think about – Andy

Something else: If you don’t know about this, I recommend going there and praying to see if God wants you to join the fast. http://fastandpray.com/ also see www.thecall.com.

Crazy

2007-05-15T01:23:00.000-04:00

Sometime this year - my wife gave me a series of worship DVDs from Morningstar in Charlotte. and I finally got around to watching all of them. The worship is great - rocking, soul-filling stuff. It always makes me want to be a better musician when I listen to them; but not just that, it makes me want to be a better worshiper (and worship leader).

Leonard Jones (who is the worship leader at MS) began talking about how we needed to be as energetic about worshiping our God as the world is about worshiping their gods. Then he broken into a chorus of Seal's Crazy ("We're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy"). He then went onto describe what he meant by crazy.

"Not out of our minds, but in our minds." He said. "Like those who could have simply denied Christ and avoided being burned alive, but chose not to do so." How many times have I been unable to have my daily devotion because work or sleep or my house needed my attention "more" than God did. Where's my faith? Where's my "crazy"?

So - I'm a bit kicked in the pants and challenged.

Peace - Andy

We Have To Stop Meeting Like This

2007-05-02T23:56:00.000-04:00

I met a most amazing guy recently. He was full of life and a desire to follow hard after God. He loved music and people. I left this encounter wishing that I could know him better.

Sadly, I met him at his funeral. He went to my church and I noticed him. He looked to me to be a passionate worshiper and a man who knew exactly how much he needed God.

And – I can say that I am poorer for not knowing him better. There always seemed to be something more important than going over to him to say hello after church. Not that “hello” would have been enough. I say “hello” all the time – but how often do I really mean it? It’s often just a deflection to get to the water fountain before the sermon starts or the bathroom ... or a person I’d rather talk to.

And so, it wasn’t until his funeral that I learned that just over there – on the side wall of the Church – not too close and not too far away – there was this guy that I needed to know better.

A friend of mine once said that you learn something from everyone. What did I learn from this man? The only time I ever saw him was at church and at his funeral. And, here’s what he taught me:

Passionate worship comes from the secure belief that you need God more than God needs you. This guy praised like someone who knew that he needed God to take his next breath, his next step and that’s something that I will always take with me.

His funeral taught me something else:

I need to be more “out there”; looking for people to meet and know. I’ll do that in the hopes that I never meet someone so special at their funeral. This is not really "me". I'm a relatively shy person and am often uncomfortable meeting new people. I have like three score excuses to hide behind a shallow "hello" and keep moving. But none of them really hold up to any kind of examination. Church has to be something more than a clique of people who you really like and a bunch of other people who you hang out with a couple of hours a week.

Andy

Listening to: Jennifer Knapp, Kansas

The Names of God, part the second

2007-05-01T08:44:00.000-04:00

First - someone sent me this very cool link to an on-line, video American Sign Language dictionary. Then, my wife said "check out the religious signs and see all of the ways to sign Jehovah". WOW! There are thirteen names of God in ASL! Go an check it out.

http://www.aslpro.com/cgi-bin/aslpro/aslpro

Second - here's a new blog to check out from the pastor of Hope Christian Fellowship in Warrenton, Virginia. He's got some great insight into God, here's his linky:

http://scottheine.blogspot.com/

Scott also knows enough about HTML to have his own special header with his face on it. He's also a very talented illustrator; but that might be a secret.

Listening to: Israel & New Breed - New Season

This Is My Father's World ... But it's mine too

2007-04-25T00:42:00.000-04:00

I was listening to the radio recently and I heard some preacher saying that we didn’t need to worry about the world because Jesus is coming soon and He’s going to make everything new again.

It’s not the first time that I heard this; but it’s the first time that it bothered me.

In Genesis, God gives man dominion over the earth. We’re – for lack of a better analogy – the gardeners of the earth.

Gen. 1: 28-30 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so.

That language seems pretty clear, God gave us the earth and all that it contains.

Flip over to Matthew 25 and the Parable of the Talents. In verse 26, the Master derides the wicked, lazy servant for burying his talent instead of using it. Imagine how angry the Master would have been had the wick servant destroyed the talent rather than just burying it.

As followers of Christ, we have an obligation to care for and protect the earth: fish, birds, every living thing. I am not a fan of generalizing, but when you compare Christians (especially more conservative Christians (like my church) against other religions (New Age, Pagans, Buddhists, even humanists), we fall behind them in our perceived (and I think actual) care and treatment of the environment.

I’m not (really not) advocating worshiping the trees or the earth-mother. All I am advocating is that we begin to see and live up to our responsibility and take our proper authority over the earth.

Is your church recycling the paper that it uses? Mine isn’t. When was the last time you heard a sermon on the importance of caring for our environment? Environmentalism – like many other politically liberal issues – seems to be out of favor with most conservative Evangelical churches. And I believe that we are missing a spiritual principle.

We should be looking for ways to make the trees, rivers, oceans better. Not just dump our crap into them and use them without thought for the future. We should be turning the earth that God gave us into something ten times better.

Something to think about: Does our* trashing of the environment have anything to do with the way our society is falling apart? Taking care of the earth is the first command that God gave us. Does not submitting to that command somehow influence everything else that we try and do? Would anyone treat their spiritual environment the way that they treat their physical one?

Just something to think about on this Earth Day Week.

Andy

Epilog: On a similar and much more personally painful tact, this same message goes for our physical bodies. When we are judged, when the Master returns and asks what we have done with our bodies – how will we answer? That’s certainly a wake up call for my not-so-narrow butt.

* Our – America’s, western civilizations, man’s: pick the one you like the best. Either way, it’s “us”.

Listening to: Jeremy Camp, This Man

Blind Boys - Ben Harper

2007-04-18T02:39:00.000-04:00

I am a huge Blind Boys of Alabama fan. They sing with such precise harmony; and their voices (aged as they are) convey a warmth and love that comes from singing together for 65 years (65 years!).

Ben Harper is a genius.

The Blind Boys covered this song on their Higher Ground CD several years ago. Here they are performing in the studio with Harper. It's a moving performance.

I do love youtube.

Andy

Judges and Ruth

2007-04-18T02:21:00.000-04:00

I am reading the Bible all the way through - or that's my plan. In my years as a Christian, I have never read it all and I am looking forward to discovering all of God's word. Late last week, I turned the corner from Joshua to Judges.

Judges ... I thought that I knew most of what was in here. But, I didn't. Oh sure, I knew about Deborah, Gideon, Sampson ... but then there were the more disturbing stories. Ending with the Priest who sent his wife out to be gang raped and then chopped her up into pieces and sent her dismembered corpse out to the rest of the nation as a call to arms.

I sat in my chair and wondered just what kind of God allows this to happen - and really - I have no answer to that. I wondered what the lesson here was and I prayed about it. I didn't get an answer; I didn't have more peace. I need to pray more.

But, I also could stop reading after that story. So, I turned the page to Ruth. The book was so thoroughly enjoyable and full of hope and grace that I read the entire (albeit short) book in the same sitting. Ah - my pallet was cleansed; my peace restored. And I marveled at this non-Jew who was the great-grandmother of David and (great-great-great grandmother) of Jesus.

God used this woman - an alien - as part of the line of Jesus. It's something wonderful.

Andy

Listening to: Chris Tomlin - Live from Austin Music Hall

Water Into Wine

2007-04-07T07:21:00.000-04:00

I’m not sure that this is new insight to you; but it is new insight to me. If I’m off base here, please let me know. Thanks!

(NKJV) John 2:

1 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.”
4 Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it.”
6 Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. 7 Jesus said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8 And He said to them, “Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.” And they took it. 9 When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. 10 And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!”

I’ve heard and read this story many times, and nearly every time, I ask myself the same question: “Why is this the first miracle?” No one gets healed; no one gets saved; all that seems to happen is that some wedding goers can now get even more drunk. Jesus doesn’t really seem to want to do it. So, why?

Several commentaries that I read suggest that Mary wanted Jesus to announce Himself as Messiah at this time. And, maybe – that’s what he did.

As I re-read the passage, I saw that the Master of the Feast called the Bridegroom over to compliment him on the wine. In our American weddings, at the reception, it’s the Bride’s family who would provide the wine. And, I think that I always assumed that this was the case here. Reading the text would show otherwise – it was the Bridegroom who was responsible.

So: Why was this the first miracle? Did Jesus really obey His mother’s desire to announce Himself as Messiah?

By turning the water into wine, He (essentially) replaced the Bridegroom as the host of the party/wedding. Just as He replaced Adam (breaking the curse placed upon man since The Fall), Jesus announces to us that He is our Bridegroom and our Redeemer. And, subtly, does just what His mother was asking Him to do.

Shalom - Andy

Boys

2007-03-22T15:05:00.000-04:00

So, I have been sick. I had an infection and then some kind of undying cold bug thing. But, in case you’re wondering, I’m mostly ok now. Thank God.

Several weeks ago, on a Sunday when the wife was out of town, Tim and were home alone. I was in no condition to head for church and I was doing the best that I could to keep Tim happy and myself lying in bed. About 0900, the doorbell rang and it was one of Tim’s friends – Trey. He asked if Tim could come out and play and I graciously said “please!”. With Tim outside for a couple of hours, I was able to cover my head and sleep away my headache.

About 30 minutes into my slumber, I woke up and heard the water running. Then, it stopped. It must have been my imagination; no one was inside and it was 40 outside. No one would be turning on the water. Sometime later, I was able to get up and make myself some soup (make = Campbell’s soup). I sat on the sofa and ate very slowly when a knock came to the door.

I opened only to find that it was Tim – and he looked very, very soggy. I helped him inside and asked ... were you using the water outside? “Yes, daddy.” He said, “I’m very cold and I lost my glove.”

I helped him inside and got him out of his wet clothes and into a warm bath. Learned that he and Trey had “made mud” in the backyard (the evidence of that was now mostly washed away in the bathtub). They had had a great time, throwing mud balls and making mud pies.

I asked, didn’t you know that you were getting cold?

He answered, “We were having fun, we thought we’d be ok.”

I laughed – that’s the most “boy” reply ever. Fun = OK. I remember my brother and I using that logic all the time.

When Lyn called later that day, and I related the story to her – her response that she “hoped that I spanked him”. I told her that I couldn’t; that it was just a boy thing and I told him not to do it again ...

... at least without asking.

Listening to: Marvin Gaye - What's Going On

It's All About Me

2007-02-28T00:57:00.000-05:00

Two totally unrelated things happened this week that have me wondering about … well, me. The first was the reaction of a friend who did a small freak-out because he is going to turn 40 – in a couple of weeks. He didn’t do anything stupid: no red, sports car; no three-day blow binge; he didn’t start dating self-destructive, early-20s girls … all he did was just check out from “stuff” for a several days and got depressed. I have a lot in common with this friend – we have similar hobbies; we have kids about the same age, and battle some of the same problems. So, since I am turning 40 (in September), I began to wonder if I would have the same kind of reaction.

I am getting middle-aged (wait – I am already there). I’m not the kind of person who thinks of themselves as old (or even middle-aged). I am very much a kid at heart and try and stay young. But, there’s no doubt that I can’t work a 12 hour shift in a Wendy’s and then go and play basketball until 4AM with my friends from the crew; catch 4 hours of sleep and pull another 12 hour shift. I certainly can’t do that over a week. What used to be my amazing eye-sight (20/5) has become 20/25 over the last several years. It annoys me that I can’t read the streets signs before everyone else.

Event Number Two: Monday night, I went to a seminar about prayer and praise. It was *really great*. His talk/practice was about “Worship driven prayer”. You should check him out if you have any desire to never go to a “same old, same old” prayer meeting again. http://www.navpress.com/Store/Product/1576836878.html

Toward the end of the evening, he asked everyone under 30 to raise their hands. Since the event was hosted at Thomas Road Baptist Church, it has a lot of kids from Liberty University there – there was a lot of “young people” (wasn’t I just one of those?). He then asked for “the old people” (I’m not sure if those were his words or not) to go and lay hands on the young ones. As I looked around the room, God pointed out a guy to me – he was a college-aged guy and I was lead to pray for him. I’m not really sure what I prayed for the guy; I am pretty sure that I didn’t pray in the Spirit – out of respect for the place where I was. But, I felt the power of God flowing from me to him.

I guess that it had not really hit me that part of “not being young” was that I had something to offer that I didn’t have when I was younger.

You’d think that being a father would have made that pretty clear; apparently not. I need something – or maybe someone – other than my own life and kids to make that apparent.

So – to sum up: getting older isn’t so bad. It’s just different. Still, I miss my eye-sight.

I have started reading the Bible through. And, so you can keep score at home, I thought that I would add an update about where I am. Today I ended my readings with Numbers 20.

I’m listening to Toby Mac – Welcome to Diverse City.

Peace - Andy

Something different - A post

2007-02-08T01:09:00.000-05:00

So wow – apparently this thing stays up – doesn’t matter if you use it or not.

Welcome back! Honestly, you have probably been where you are for awhile and I’m mostly welcoming myself back. Bear with me – please.

What’s new – you asked? Not as much as I’d like. My job is going to be transitioning from full-time employee to part-time freelancer. I’m not really sure how that’s going to work out; but I’m feeling the gentle whisper of “trust Me” from the Big Guy. I hate it when He does that.

There have been signs all around that my life is transitioning from what’s old to something new. And, I can feel my feet digging in to fight that. Which is weird – I normally like change. Something is different this time ... maybe the changes that are coming are bigger than I’m used to. Maybe I’m going to be asked to sacrifice something that I have not wanted to in the past. (Actually – I’m pretty sure that that’s it.)

I have a friend who once said to me “pain creates change”. He’s right. I can feel the pain in what I’m doing and where I’m going and I want to run from it. I like my luggage or most of it anyway. But, if God called us to give up the things that we didn’t like that we held on to – sacrifice would seem much easier. More on this at some later point.

I grew spiritually last year probably more than any other year. After the months of growth, there was a time of rest and recovery. My mind began to process and apply the lessons that I had been learning and now, I can feel the growing again.

It’s different this time and the purpose is different. Mostly, I can feel a call to something and I’m not really sure what that something is or how to do it. There are movements and passions in the Body of Christ that I want to be plugged into; that I want to help.

Other than trying to become a more proficient piano player and singer; and a better worshiper, my other task this year is to read the Bible through. I started just after 01 January and am now in Leviticus. Which is ... tedious. But, even in the tedium of that, I am finding applications for my life.

Lastly, a reflection on worship ...

I was struggling with worship one Sunday. It all felt like work to me – and it was entirely a struggle. I felt condemned by this: given the opportunity to help lead my part of the Body in worship and all I could feel was myself and my needs. I had to work my way through it, and once finished I felt that I had been passionless.

I spent several days beating myself up over it. Then, I heard someone preaching about the dedication of the Temple (one of my favorite stories from the Bible). In I Kings 8:63 Solomon sacrificed 2,200 bulls and 120,000 sheep. Now, I’ve read Exodus and Leviticus and God was pretty specific about how things were supposed to be sacrificed.

120,000 sheep had to take awhile and after (say) sacrifice number 71,324 or so it would have to be tiring and a lot like work. If you say that you could kill one sheep per minute for 24 hours – (unless my math is wrong 120,000/1440 (number of minutes in a day) it would take 83.3333 (repeating) days to sacrifice that many sheep. Sooner or later, you have to think that these Levities got tired and wanted to go home. But, they didn’t – they did their job.

[Note: My probably overly-vivid imagination asks ... what did they do with all the blood and “parts” that didn’t get burned. But, enough of that.]

My point is this: that was work; it was also worship. So, I decided that I’m not perfect and that occasionally, I will work through my worship. Because that is obedience.

Thanks for sticking around and reading all of that. I wanted to write more, but I figure that I can come back and do this another time. Apparently, they never take these things down.

Pax - Andy

CDs to consider: I picked up a couple of really great Christmas CDs this year. One was "Go Tell It On The Mountain" from the Blind Boys of Alabama (http://www.blindboys.com/), "Wintersong" from Sarah McLachlan, and "Barenaked for the Holidays" from the Barenaked Ladies. All are worth listening to, highlights include: "Away In A Manger" by the Blindboys with George Clinton; "In the Bleak Mid-Winter" from Wintersong (her voice touches this song wonderfully) and "God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen" by BNL and Sarah McLachlan (...best...version...ever...)

The David Hasselhoff School of Evangelism

2006-10-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

But first, a note: I spent the last three days (Monday-Wednesday) at a Worship & Warfare conference. It was great and I’ll start writing about what I learned there; but first, I have to write this.

Now: Today’s thing

As I understand it, the story goes like this. David Hasselhoff personally brought down the Berlin Wall. He was certainly standing atop the Berlin Wall in a freakin’ light-up leather jacket singing his classic song “I’m Looking For Freedom” (Don’t believe me – click that link and see for youself).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxAd2sHtMf0

It was supposed to be a big concert, with lots of artists that you’d probably want to see (if you dig that kind of music). Legend says that Crosby, Stills and Nash, Melissa Etheridge, and others were on their way to the wall when they were caught in a traffic jam of Germans … who were stampeding to see The Hoff (as his friends call him). The Hoff was big time in Germany (is big in Germany) and “Looking for Freedom” was number one in Germany for like eight weeks.

Not only is he big in Germany, he really loves the German people. He was at the wall as much to celebrate with them as he was to perform. He was there early and that’s when all the magic happened. Someone in East Germany decided that waiting until the politicians said it was time to pull the wall down was silly. Who doesn’t understand that? Why live a day longer under the thumb and in the (relative) slums of East Germany? Why wait for your freedom?

So – some cleaver East German started to break the wall down. Kudos to the East Germany army (who had to want the freedom as much as their fellow citizens) they didn’t stop anyone. Soon the wall came down. Hasselhoff was singing, or dancing, or pulling stones off of the wall (probably while still wearing that jacket). In the end, there’s video footage of Hasselhoff performing on top of this hated symbol of tyranny – and he’s singing about freedom.

Hasselhoff was there because he was a friend to the Germans and Germany. He wasn’t there because of this amazing (and wonderful) historical event. He was there because he loved the Germans. Because of that, he was able to witness and encourage the citizens pulling down the Wall.

Now – how is this like evangelism? Like Hasselhoff, we have to find a group of people to love. We have to find a group of people to invest our lives in and we have to be there when big things are about to happen. Like The Hoff, we have to learn to love another group of people; we have to have something that they desire and we have to share our gift with them.

Our gift is Jesus and He should be so big in us that others will see it and want it. Then, we have to have the time and love to share it. Even The Hoff’s song is on the money – everyone is looking for freedom – and Christians have the only real freedom.

Let’s find a group of lost to love as much as The Hoff loved the Germans. Let’s invest ourselves in their life and be there before the big things happen. Ready to celebrate, ready to live for – die for, and mirror Christ to.

Thanks for listening.

Andy

Turning 39

2006-09-28T01:49:00.000-04:00

Bless me father for I have not blogged. It has been like 20 days since my last entry. Sorry I’ve been away – but things have been busy. I led worship tonight – and I think that it went very well. And, I normally like to talk about worship after (and sometimes before) I lead it. But today, I’m going to talk about me. As you can guess from the title of this email – I turned 39 this week. And, it’s given me a chance to pause and look at my life.

It is not true but I think of the year that I was 29 as the worst year of my life. So many bad things (many self-inflicted) happened to me that year. I lost three (or five (?) – you just lose track sooner or later) jobs. At least one of which would have been a very good long-term job. I was arrested (but really, what they arrested me for was something that I had already taken care of and I was released pretty quickly. Still, I was cuffed and rode in the back of a police car – it is not a fond memory.). I broke up with a girlfriend – wait, there were two of those.

Only one good thing happened to me that year – I returned to church and was restored by God. For that – well, first, I thank God; but second, I thank a very good friend of mine: Jennifer Davis. She was one of those people who you know are in prayer for you. As beautiful inside as she is outside, she’s was a real friend to me when I needed a reality check. She offered one to me in a most loving and kind way. So – Jennifer, thanks!

On 20 September, I lost my job. On 24 September (the day before my 30^th birthday), my girlfriend broke up with me. The next day, my friends threw me a party. None of them knew about the girl at the beginning of the evening and I don’t recall the party being much fun. I certainly wasn’t much fun to be around. But – they let me brood and ignored my surliness. They are my friends, and they proved it that night.

However, despite my job loss and my girlfriend loss, I had peace. I had a feeling that God had better things for me – even if I didn’t know what those things were. One of those was a new job – a better job and one that fit me well. The other great thing that God had for me was Lyn. We lived about 2 hours apart and we had our first meeting (it wasn’t a date) in early October. We just hung out and became friends. We met again the next weekend and again the next.

Those meetings began to become regular weekend dates. I was soon head-over-heels in love with her. A year later, we married. Everything that I had lost the year before, God had restored to me less than a year later.

Well, sort of.

When we got married, I moved and left my very good job and the church that I really liked. I began to look for a job in our new town and I began to regularly attend her church.

Marriage wasn’t exactly easy. We were both very different and we had lived alone long enough to develop our own habits (mine included a “store it where you drop it” philosophy that didn’t sit well with her). I found a job, but it paid much less and the hours were pretty horrendous. Those long hours kept us apart when we should have been figuring out how to be married.

Our new church – full gospel, charismatic – was not to my liking. They did things that I was uncomfortable with; and they liked to have long services. It was a hard couple of years. But, God told me that I needed to find ways to plug into this church. He told me that I would be blessed in accordance to how I plugged my family into the church. Lyn took a job in the children’s ministry (she has a touch and a love for kids that shows God’s anointing on her life) and I did a variety of technical things (I ran sound; I ran a camera; I edited video tape; that kind of thing). Those technical jobs eventually led to me getting on as a singer (and later a piano player and part-time worship leader) on the worship band.

Work got better – I was promoted and finally left for a better job (the one I still have). God was blessing us as we were faithful. I was (slowly) learning that He was our provider.

We had mostly resolved that we wouldn’t have children. We had tried – and not that that wasn’t fun – but it didn’t seem like we were getting anywhere. Then – when we were pretty much happy with just life with the two of us … God gave us Tim.

Wow – that was a good day. Everyone says that their kids are beautiful – but I really mean it. Tim is a beautiful kid (as you can tell from that photo). I remember riding around the night he was born (he was born in the morning). Lyn was tired and sleeping; our parents were tired and sleeping; most of our friends had moved out of town – I was a one man party looking for some people.

As Tim grew up, we (Lyn and I) grew together. My new job afforded much more time for us to be together and having to work together to keep this new kid alive was good for us. The past 4 years have seemed to fly by – until Lyn got pregnant again.

The nine months that she was carrying Mack and the 4 since have put things in perspective. Even though it’s more work, life has slowed down some. And – it’s become sweeter.

But, tomorrow will be better than today.

That’s not a thought that I had when I was 29; it’s not even a thought that I had when I was 19. It’s not the same thought that I had when I was 9 and thought that I was going to be the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins when I grew up. It’s the thought of a 39 year old husband and father of two who accepts that there will be pain, and struggle, and things that I don’t understand. It’s the thought of a 39 year old child of God, who marvels at his Heavenly Father’s works. I have learned – over the past 10 years – to trust God.

God is faithful. God is faithful. God is faithful.

When I was 20, I used to think that 39 was *hella* old. But now that I'm here, it doesn't seem so bad.

Thanks for listening — Andy

Outside - In

2006-09-06T00:49:00.000-04:00

I recently had dinner with a woman who has recently come back to our Body. She told me that when she returned, she saw the “same old Believers Fellowship – only shrunken some.”

She went onto explain that how – when she went there years ago – there was a small “core” group of 10 to 15 centered around the pastor and how that group was still intact with some new people in the outer circle and some people hanging on around the fringe. She felt like she was “on the fringe”.

Then she made the following metaphor, that those on the fringe are like hurting or old animals. Easily picked off by the wolves. These people are – more or less – not made to feel really welcome by our Body. Why?

I’m going to go with:

(1) It’s hard. Meeting someone new; taking them to lunch; getting to know their family; allowing them to become part of your life … that’s hard work. It takes time away from the people you are already friends with.

(2) It’s tough. Sometimes, the new people have problems – hard problems. Problems that the easy “all things work together” or “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” won’t easily wipe away. Helping people who have problems means that you have to take on part of those problems yourself. And – don’t I already have enough problems?

So - to sum up: it’s hard and it's tough. That pretty much exempts us (as Americans) from getting involved. Americans are not allowed (by federal law – I understand) to be made uncomfortable. But even some who make themselves uncomfortable are not immune from this.

I know some Christians who can pull a multi-day fast; but will get offended by a man with a nose and tongue ring. Why? How can it be easier to deny your own body food and deny someone else’s a friendly handshake and greeting?

I have this theory – it might be wrong but, here goes. True Unity is harder than Holiness.

Once you have made the decision to live a Holy life, God is there to help you. Sure, you’ll stumble along the way. Yes, you won’t be perfect. But, God will be there with you – to prick your heart and turn you to repentance. However, Unity requires the acceptance of another person. Anyone who wishes can accept God. But, accepting this dirty, stinking, homeless man;or accepting that a Catholic believer might have a Spirit-filled life; or accepting that the guy who is fighting a coke habit and can’t keep a job can be used by God: that takes more than most of us are willing to offer. And by “us” – I mean “me”; it’s hard for me to speak for you.

It takes the love that Jesus showed for each of us on the cross.

So – back to the fringe.

The fringe is real. Every church has marginal, at-risk, hurting “members” who could slide away from where God wants them over the slightest thing. But, what can we do about the fringe?

My friend’s suggestion is that those of us who are strong in the Body patrol the Body. We work the back of our building and we ask questions: “What do you need?” — “How are you today?” — “What can I do for you?” Not what can God do for you. You – let God will work through you. Get to know the people “in the fringe”. Bring them into the “middle”; work to protect them. Think how much easier it will be to keep a sheep from becoming lost than it will be to find him after it gets lost.

And – here’s the hardest (and best) part of all. This is not a “platform” thing. This is a Body thing. My Pastor is only one person and he has his plate full with what he’s doing. However, the Body has lots of people. Some of whom need to be willingly out patrolling the fringe looking for ways to keep these “at risk” believers safe. We need to be actively walking out – in love – the Watchman’s walk; the Shepard’s walk. Keeping away wolves and bears and all manner of attacks.

Our inner circles need to be made larger; our cliques need to be broken up. We need the kind of love that seeks out needs and then – once found – meets them. That’s the kind of love that Jesus showed so often.

Thanks for listening.

Andy

Praise And Walking

2006-08-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

Tonight - our second home group meeting - we moved outside of our comfort zone and went on a prayer walk at three local, public schools: two high schools and one elementary school.

We have a wonderful set of Home Group leaders - Ed & Rachel. They have such a wonderful spirit about them. None of what we did tonight would have gone as smoothly had they not been surrendered to God and willing to take Him along with us. I laud them for their submissiveness to Him and their leadership of us!

As an aside, I’m pretty new at this kind of thing. I have done it (some) before, but I’m still basically a novice. But, I did love listening to those who do it often and was able to draw inspiration from them as well as from the Bible. This morning in my devotional time, I had a verse that I felt God gave me for tonight. I’ll share it with you:

Ezra 3:3 “Though fear had come upon them because of the people of those countries, they set the altar on its bases; and they offered burnt offerings on it to the LORD, both the morning and evening burnt offerings.”

We met at the church – 23 of us in all (including children ranging from my age 2 months (my infant son) to 14 or so). We mounted our church bus (faithfully driven by Captain America himself) and we headed out. JC brought a guitar and a little amp and we played some praise and warfare songs on our way out.

First stop: High School #1
We didn’t actually walk any at this school. We just stood in the parking lot and lifted up praise, did warfare and unleashed the grace, mercy and power of I Am. It was really very wonderful – all those voices carrying up together in a unified sound of praise to our God. One woman had a word about witchcraft and we spent some time praying against that. That word really set something off inside of me and I prayed hard against those spirits. We spent about 30 minutes there, then were back on the bus and continued our singing. As we went to …

Second stop: High School #2
Here we said a quick prayer and then began to move out. Immediately, several people began to feel a resistance to us here – darkness and immorality seemed to hang about this school. We did some walking and praying, then someone said that we needed to walk around the building. So, we took off making our lap and praising God and warring in His Name at the same time. I felt it was a powerful and wonderful thing. I believe that we changed something at that school tonight. We stayed there longer than we had budgeted, and so were nearly out of time when we hit our last school of the day.

Third stop: Elementary School
We had people from our fellowship who work at this school and they had arranged for the secretary of that school to join us as well. But, we were met by the principle. She invited us in and allowed us to walk the halls of the school – she even specially asked us to pray over her office. It was a wonderful time of prayer and praise. The principle not only invited a few worshipers and prayers into her school – she invited the Lord Jesus Christ – and He entered. We met for one last prayer in the lobby of the school and a several prophetic words came forward. I will share a couple of those:

Word #1: The Banner – one of our group saw a purple banner that flew outside from the flag pole. The banner said “Victory!”. The teachers and principle were told that when they felt down or like things were getting tough to remember the banner that flew in the spirit world. That banner proclaimed Victory – not the promise of victory; but actual victory.

Word #2: Salt and Light – another said to the principle and the two teachers there that they were sowing mercy, grace and courage into the lives of the children they touched. It might not always show – but they were creating powerful leaders: for our city, our state, nation and world.

We then re-loaded the bus and returned to the church where we said a few prayers for other schools that we didn’t have time to reach and we went home.

My impressions: It was a great night – a holy night. And I believe that God moved to teardown strongholds and to build up His holy places. My church has always believed that God wants to use us to bless Lynchburg – and I think that tonight, we were a blessing.

JC and the music: music really is a lubricant that allows a more intimate and powerful prayer time with God. By setting up the guitar and singing on the bus as we went out – we acted like the Army of Israel, sending out our Praisers first into the battle. Worship and music combined is like the sharp, pointy-end of the spear that God uses to prick our hearts and to unharden them.

What kind of army sends the band out before the warriors? The kind of army that has already won the fight. God’s kind of army.

I’ll be gone for the weekend to see my Dad ordained as a deacon and some other family stuff. Enjoy your weekend!

Andy

Word of the Day:

2006-08-24T00:34:00.000-04:00

As everyone who knows me is aware, I love new vocabulary words. And I have one for today:

Post-Denominational (adj.)

Of or relating to the Church that reacts against earlier denominational principles, doctrines, and traditions by embracing the unity that She is called to.

Use that word three times in a sentence, and it will be yours. Ms. Johnson told me so. Until then, I will be yearning for the day when we are all living in the place of commanded Post-Denominational blessing.

I’m out - Andy

Sometimes, Church Be A Trip

2006-08-23T23:56:00.000-04:00

OK. So, I lead worship tonight (Wednesday night). Today was not easy for me, lots of distractions – lots of things to lose my cool about. Lots of temptation to get off into my flesh. But, I was prayed up and I had run my set several times and I was comfortable – more or less – with all but one song (You Are Good – by Israel Houghton). You Are Good is a great song and it really moves; but it’s beyond the current musical skill of our Worship Team (mostly because it is not one of those songs that can just “come together”. This is one of those timing and precision songs; and we just don’t spend enough time practicing as a band). Bottom line – after trying to get it down myself, I decided that I needed to ditched it for Open The Eyes of My Heart. The set was: 1) Listen In The House; 2) Father, Spirit, Jesus; 3) Open The Eyes of My Heart; 4) Come Holy Spirit; 5) Praise The Name of Jesus; 6) I Worship You Almighty God. To give credit where credit is due: on his New Season Live CD Israel Houghton does a medley of Come Holy Spirit (I need thee every hour; Praise The Name … and I Worship You…). All I did, was figure out what he was using as a transition and just pretty much did it the way that he did – only I’m not as hip or as skilled a piano player as he is. But, it went pretty well.

Listen in the House – if you don’t know it – is kind of a worship rap/chant song. I pretty much hate that song. But, singing/chanting/rapping it really does something to my flesh – mostly kicks it in the butt and closer to the curb. So, whenever I feel so led – I try and put that song in my set. With the bad day that I had had today – that song was just the thing I need to use to crucify my flesh. I would (however) like to add a verse:

“Listen to your heart – there’s a brand new beat – there’s a brand new beat of Love!”

Things went well; I think that I had most of the congregation in the Presence of God. The worship seemed – right (for lack of a better word). As we faded out of the last song and into some chords, PJ took the mic and he started some singing in the spirit. It was good – really good. Others started in and soon we were back into the swing of deep worship again. As I felt things were winding down, I felt that God was telling me that it wasn’t time just yet. Someone had a word that needed to come forth. I prayed (to myself) that God would give boldness to whoever needed it to bring the word forth. I was just about to tell PJ not to wind things down yet – give the word a chance.

Then – he asked the leader of our Dance Team to come up to the front. I thought that he was going to ask her to dance while we played something. Until he asked her take over for me on the piano. But – I was at the piano …

A few minutes later, PJ had me sitting in a chair facing the congregation and he was giving them instructions for how to pray for me and how to listen to God for words for me. I sat there – there was nothing to be done about it really. I am not really a person who likes to be in the spot light. But, there I was — *in* the spotlight; nowhere to run; nowhere to hide. On the one hand, I had been right – God did have a word for someone; on the other hand, that person was me. So – really – that’s like too good things. I sensed something; and that something was for me. This is the first time that anything like this had ever happened to me in front of so many. It was both terrifying and wonderful – very humbling.

Words came up for me. They ran (mostly) in two veins: First. Encouragement and exhortations to lead worship. Those were some really good words over me – and I took them to heart. The second vein involved provision; knowing that God is my source, and that I need to trust God more than I have in the past. The words meant something to me – more than I am able to talk about here. But, I believe that I have a good deal of specific seeking to do to make sure that my life is aligned with His divine destiny for my life. More as things become clear to me on this.

After the service, someone asked me how I felt and said that I looked a little freaked out. Well, I felt great – but I was pretty freaked out. Like I said, I’m not used to be a spectacle and I was. But, it was a good thing. It made me stretch; it built me up, and it really showed me just how much God loves me. Don’t tell anyone – but I’m His favorite (and so are you).

Some random thoughts on the direction of Worship:
I have been praying to become a more prophetic worshiper (and worship leader). I believe that God is ready to begin moving on His Bride through prophetic worship. I think that the more we push ourselves into places outside our comfort zone and the more we learn to lean on God, the more He will use us to do great things. I believe that the Body needs this kind of refreshing, healing, and empowerment to go outside the walls of our church building and really become “the Church”. The new thing – whatever that might be – is nearly upon us.

Upcoming (probably blog-worthy) events:
Tomorrow - we're (my new home group) is doing a prayer walk around several area school. I'm very excited about this.
On Sunday - my dad is being ordained as a deacon in his church. I'm proud to be attending the service and very proud of his election to deacon. I think that he will make a fine deacon. And now that he's retired, he might need something to occupy his time. Until he finds golf - that is. :)

Peace - Andy

The Names of God

2006-08-17T23:38:00.000-04:00

I was listening to a worship CD recently and the singer said something about our God being so great that no one name would ever define him. I’ve probably heard this CD a dozen times, but that statement had never caught my attention before. It was something new to me – even though I have been schooled in the largeness and greatness of God. So, I decided to ask several friends of mine what their favorite name for God is. The answers I received were varied and wonderful. I’m sure that most everyone here is familiar with these names. But, here they are:

Abba (Father)
Adonai: (Master, sovereign ruler)
Comforter
Counselor
Creator
El Shaddai (God Almighty)
Jehovah Jireh (God Our Provider)
Jehovah MeKaddish (The Lord, my Sanctifier)
Jehovah Rohi (The Lord, my Shepherd)
Jehovah Rophe (The Lord Who Heals)
Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
Prince of Peace
Strong Tower
Yahweh (I Am)

These names – while they are powerful and defining – only give us a small glimpse of Who God really is. We are limited in our understanding with our fallen human minds. We are limited in our primitive vocabulary (I think that’s why God uses so many visions and word pictures for us, to bypass our limited vocabulary).

My favorites are (today – subject to change as I need to know God in different ways):

1. Yahweh – I am. Rene Descartes set out to provide (empirically) the existence of God. He failed. The only thing he could prove for certain was expressed as Cogito Ergo Sum (I think – therefore, I am). God simply “is” – no action needed or required for His being. It seems like nice irony on His part that one of His names stands in contrast to the beginnings of the oh-so misinformed (yet beloved by me) Enlightenment movement. I do love a good irony.

2. Jehovah-Shalom – The Lord Is Peace. Gideon (weakest member of the weakest clan) was called by God to defeat the enemies of Israel. He was a man sent to war; a war that he could not win naturally. He could only win it in God’s power. To honor God – before one battle had been fought, he made an alter with the words Jehovah-Shalom. Was this prophetic? Did he see that God had already provided his victory and all he needed to do was go out and claim it? Was this faith? Did he have a trusting knowledge that the battle was already won and he was at peace again? Or, was this something else? Is even war fought in the arms of God peace for his children? We – much like Gideon – are called to war. In our own power, we can do little against our enemies. But, in Him, we have peace – against the attacks of the devil, the temptations of the world, even as our flesh rages against us. We can learn from Gideon that true Peace comes only from God.

3. Abba, Father – Jesus himself revealed this name of God. Jesus called out to Abba, Father when He was in the garden. He wanted to have “this cup” (the cross – and all that it entailed) taken from him – but He trusted His Father enough to let Him make that decision. But, God could not do this for His Son – and Jesus knew it. God had to bring discipline into this sinful world. And, He had to bring it through the only perfect sacrifice. As hard as it must have been for Jesus to take His punishment, I have never before thought about how hard it must have been for Abba, Father to pour out His Holy Wrath upon His sinless Son. But, as God has shown me recently, His discipline is love. It is an example that I try and use with my own boys.

Paul uses Abba, Father to describe how we – as newly adopted children – should call out to God. Can there be a greater feeling of love than that of our salvation? Can we know any greater love from an adoptive Father than the moment we are brought into His family? Abba, Father is the name that we call God when we most need Him as Father. It is a tender and intimate name.

Still, as a Father, it is an example, a conviction, and a calling. I can remember running, head-long into my own father’s arms and having him hug me. I knew that I was safe with him; I knew that he would never harm or cause harm to come to me. But, I still broke my arm three times and had countless other minor injuries when I was a kid. Did my father fail? Was my faith in him misplaced? Certainly: every earthly father fails; but my faith in him was not misplaced.

Despite his failures and weaknesses, he was given authority by God over me (and the rest of his house). He was my covering until I chose to leave and strike out on my own. My faith in my dad was faith in the position of “Father” that God gave my dad (and now has given to me). This faith in an earthly father is modeling the pattern of faith we need with our heavenly Father. It is now a pattern that I am called to help my own boys learn. They have two Fathers, and I should only be pointing the way to their true father – God.

This last little bit is not my original thought. It is the thought of my wondrous friend C_Rob who helped out with her favorite names.

What are the names of God – really? They are only some of the adjectives we can use to describe His attributes – and His nature. Each Name creates provision for a need in our spiritual walk. As such, we are to do everything that we do in “His Name” – which could also be said in “His Nature”.

When the demons said to the Son’s of Sceva, “Jesus, I know; I know about Paul, but, who are you?” You have to wonder if they weren’t onto something. They knew (and know) what we have a hard time accepting as truth. When we say the words, “In Jesus’ Name”, but are not identified with Jesus’ Nature, we have no power. In fact, we are taking Jesus’ Name in vain and sinning against God. However, when we apply the Nature of Jesus to our prayers and our faith, we create a powerful alchemy – the true power of the Church. And in that power, we will, as Jesus said, “do even greater things than this”. (John 14:12-13).

Thanks for reading and for those who sent me their favorite names of God – thank you even more.

Peace – out – Andy

Quick update: Someone just sent me this name - "shomer Yisrael" (One who guards Israel). In this time of unrest there. It is so wonderful to know that there is an unchanging God who protects His people and His Holy Land. Someone else, just put in this name - which is just another great example of our God - Baal Perazim (Lord of the Breakthrough). Man - I need that in a God. (am - 23 August 2006)

The Seder

2006-08-08T16:21:00.000-04:00

I've gone to church most of my life. I was born again when I was eight. I've been to "high" churches and "low" churches and pretty much everything in between. But, I have never even heard the word Seder (and I'm only kinda sure that I'm spelling it correctly) ever said. Why? What is a Seder? Why didn't any of my Bible-believing churches ever mention it?

Jesus participated in the Seder every year of His life on Earth. He thought it was important enough to steal into Jerusalem when He was a wanted man to have the meal. If He is our model, and the Seder was important to Him; if the Seder is important to God (Jesus did nothing that He did not see the Father doing - isn't that right?), then why isn't it important to us?

I realize that we celebrate communion (the bread and the wine); but that doesn't really seem like a feast to me. My church doesn't even use real wine. For that matter - I have only been to one church that used actual wine (they used cheap wine and it tasted like ... well ... really horrible). I don't want to start a discussion about Jesus and wine.

I guess my question is: Is there more to the Seder than the bread and the wine? Does the entire dinner still have meaning to our gentile, Christian church? This was part of the Law that Jesus kept. If He kept it, it must be important - right? It must have some value to our life - right?

Does the Seder have any New Testament meaning? And if so, why are we cheating ourselves by not celebrating it?

More questions here than answers, I realize that. I'm looking for my answers and I encourage you to look for yours too.

Peace - out - Andy

One worship service and two funerals

2006-08-08T02:13:00.000-04:00

Here are some general thoughts on “stuff” that’s happened this week.

Item #1: Was boring and so, there’s no need to post it. Rip it from your mind and pretend that it was never here.

Item #2: Wednesday Night Worship – Live with AJ (Springman 2k)

My first impression was not favorable. I didn’t like the direction the first song went in; I was a little uncomfortable with some of the echo harmony/parts. But, my problem was that I was listening too much to the music and not enough to what was happening. AJ was hearing – he seemed to be right in the sweet spot (so to speak) of the worship anointing. After the first couple of songs, he stopped us and talked about how God was looking to bring Joy to those who needed it.

Joy – not the “laughing anointing” kind of joy; but the “beauty for ashes” joy. The kind of joy that heals, rather than the kind the refreshes (if you see my meaning). It’s really something to watch as God uses us to work on the needs of others; such an honor and blessing to be the instrument in the hand of God. As I played and sang, I watched the faces and the countenances of the people being ministered to; you could see some of them really grab what God had for them.

My hat is off to AJ for hearing and doing and PJ (that’s a lot of “Js”) for letting things go as He wanted them to. Man – God is good.

Item #3: A Funeral

I sang for a funeral last week – something I have never done before. I went into it thinking that it was just like anything else – only with songs that I knew really well (In the Garden and How Great Thou Art). So, there I was – sitting in the back listening to the eulogy and waiting to do the first song (In The Garden).

I guess I should start by saying that the woman who was being buried – I didn’t know her. I knew her daughter. Her daughter, I’m calling her one part of the 2-headed diva (2HD for short), is on the worship team with me and I just think the world of her. When she asked me to sing, I didn’t think twice about not doing it. It seemed like the only thing in the world to do.

So – I’m sitting in the back (dressed in a coat and tie no less – so, that was an occasion) and I’m listening to them talk about their mother/grandmother/aunt – all the many titles this glorious woman wore during her life. And, I feel like I’m a poorer person for not knowing her; but, as I listen, that poorness is being taken away as I listen to the reflections of her being shown me in the words of those who loved her so much.

Eulogy’s over and I’m on. I warmed up plenty; but that seems like it was hours ago. I’ve been crying a little and my throat is swollen from that. Normally, when I sing, I try and focus on God first, and then the rest of anyone else who’s there. But, today I know that I’m singing for people – people who are hurting and I begin to get *really* nervous.

The first song started slowly. I fumbled my way around the first verse; I let it get too slow. Anyway, I wasn’t very happy with the way it went. The sermon-type-deal was nice; a much needed break (for me anyway) from the emotionally tense eulogies. The sermon was good; it made everyone laugh in a few places and it reminded us all the she was in a better place; with Jesus – and where she had wanted to go most everyday she had been alive.

The second song went much better. My voice was ready to sing and the sermon helped me get my mind back and re-focused on what the task at hand was. I was really very honored to have been asked to sing here; and I hope that I was a blessing to those who needed one.

Item #4: Another Funeral

A sadder note. For the second time this year, a person I knew pretty well when I was growing up lost their child. The first time, it was a friend of mine. Their boy was 12 or 13 and he died suddenly. The news hit me hard; I was unable to think about much else for several days. I wanted to say something to my friend and his wife; but every time I tried to write, all that came out was crap – pointless – platitude – cliché. Most of which I had a hard time reading back to myself. So, I said nothing. I prayed for them and still do. But I had no words for them.

More recently, another friend’s daughter died. She was 5, and died after a year long battle with an illness. I have no idea why God didn’t heal her. There are things that we just don’t get to understand here. I know that God is good and that He is love – and I know that he has reasons for everything. I just don’t know what those reasons could be. “My ways are higher than your ways.”

It’s hard to trust blindly like this; it’s hard to have faith that God is good when he can take people’s children from them. But, that is what is required: blind faith to go along with our obedience. My heart goes out to both families; my words still seem to fail me when I think about what I might say to them. But, maybe I need some faith in my Father’s ability to use me in this way. I repent from my faithlessness in this matter.

I rest in the thought that God is good – all the time.

That’s all – Andy.

Unity – My comments on a post from the Unity413 blog

2006-08-01T01:33:00.000-04:00

This started out as a comment on another blog – but got long and I decided to post it here; along with a link to the original post. Please read that one as well: http://unity413.blogspot.com/2006/07/unity-among-churches-that-certainly.html

"The whole measure of Christ." Such a thing to aspire for ... what kind of price to pay? I often wonder what would happen if we got various congregations together for a service to celebrate His Lordship. Bring a Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, AME-Zion, Episcopalian, a “contemporary” Churchgoer, Catholic – whatever.

Bring them together under the aegis of celebrating Jesus and His work of salvation. Put the leaders of each Body in a room together and have them decide how to best do the service. Could such a thing even be accomplished? Even for something as simple as a celebration service? Could these disparate Shepherds come to an agreement? Would anyone even come? Whatever your answer might be, mine is only if Holy Spirit directs it that way.

The price of Unity is high. It will require the sacrifice of doctrine, tradition, and comfort. All for what? Is the “fullness of Christ” (that we don’t know) worth the part-measure of Christ that we all know and are comfortable with now? I don’t think that Christians like to think like this. I think that they’d rather keep God in the box they have for Him. It’s easier to know that God’s doing our thing here; and He’s doing their thing there. Why mix when everyone is so very happy? Is God doing God’s thing anywhere?

In my church this would mean: “sacrificing” speaking in tongues; the doctrine that everyone filled with Holy Spirit speaks in tongues; it would also mean (probably) changing the way we worship with music. And – that’s just the things that spring immediately to mind.

I admit: I don’t really want to give up the way I like to “do church”. I also admit to being curious as to what (exactly) “whole measure of the fullness of Christ” would look like. But, as Full Measure said, no one here is advocating the dissolution of the local Body. Only the ability to bring the Bodies together at times, to know and love each other, to respect and care for each other.

In John 13:34, Jesus gave us a new commandment: to love one another. He goes on to say that “all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” I draw from this that we can’t love the lost until we love each other. Does this mean that I have to love the people who run and go to Bob Jones University? Or even Fred Phelps? As distasteful as I find that premise, I am certain that I have to love them. They call Jesus, Lord; they are part of His body. I don’t have to agree with them on everything (or even much of anything), but I do have to love them and with all my heart.

I guess what I’m advocating here is that – if you are a preacher, begin to ask God how He wants to use your and your Body to bring unity in your area. Then, begin to speak with other pastors about doing the same thing for their Body. At your next pastors’ meeting, figure out why you don’t have more “flavors” of Bodies represented. Were they invited and didn’t come? Were they not invited? Why not? Being to ask the other pastors questions about how they think God wants to use them to unify the Body.

If the Shepherds can’t figure out how to be unified – what chance to the sheep have?

What would happen if they (the Shepherds) got together and decided to stress and preach on Unity for a month – then hold the above mentioned celebration service? I have been to a lot of church services in my life and I have heard almost as many messages. I can’t think of the last time I heard one preached on Unity – especially between different flavor’s of Christians.

Jesus was asked “what is the greatest commandment”. And – in typical Christ-like fashion, He didn’t feel limited to the entrapping question when He gave his answer. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and might.” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If the first can be summed up in a word – that word would be Holiness. The second, would be Unity. When we are one, we are constantly serving and constantly loving ourselves. Constantly in that Psalm 133 place of “commanded blessing”.

Imagine what would happen if we took Unity as seriously as we took Holiness?

Thanks for your time - Andy

Holy Spirit

2006-07-30T02:39:00.000-04:00

This is something that I have noticed my pastor doing recently. When he refers to "the Holy Spirit", he calls him "Holy Spirit" - no "the". For a while, it bothered me - ok, bothered is too strong a word. Then, I began to do it myself every now and again (as we pick up phrases from people we listen to). And I started to examine just exactly what I was saying.

And - I think I have it figured out. I guess that PJ did it on purpose, he's a pretty smart guy. But losing the "the" from Holy Spirit makes Holy Spirit a name and not a title. For me, it was one of those "subtle moments of revelation" ... sure Father, Son, Holy Spirit ... blah, blah, blah ... no ... really - Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Three people - three guys (if you get down to it). We don't call Jesus "the Jesus", Jesus was never that pretensious.
So - after some thought and examination - I'm not only happy with him (PJ) dropping the "the" (not that he looks to me for permission for anything); I'm embracing it myself. Thinking it will help me think of Holy Spirit as a person, an individual (1 of 3) being and someone who I can communicate with (in ways of than - OH God! Help me!).

Just some random thoughts on a very early Sunday morning.

I'm going to bed now so I can go to church in the AM. Andy

I do not heart CIV

2006-07-28T17:15:00.000-04:00

ok ... several posts ago, i said "i don't like to rant/rave about things that i don't like." and, yet - here i am. very nearly about to do just that.

civilization - my very second ever computer game (bought it right after i beat wing commander 2). it was addictive and fun. later, i picked up civ 2 and 3. civ 4 is now out - and looks very cool. several of my friends play it and like it very much. i'm thinking of buying it. really - that's how dumb i am.

last night - i was feeling the need to play a computer game. i looked at what i had on my shelf and i saw CIV 3. and i thought (as i usually do), i *love* CIV! i'll install that. so - i did. and i started playing it. now - i don't have a clock that's easy to see from my desk (other than my cpu clock - that happens to be obscured when you're playing most games (including CIV)).

i drew the persians for my game. pretty standard set-up. since i hadn't played in a while, i set my difficulty on medium - and started. the game plays great. even with the slow start (ended up on my own continent).

about the time that i got forward bases and my corruption undercontrol. i decided that it was time to quit for the night. i had only been playing for a couple of hours - i had to be up early on friday for a thing. so, i hit save and checked the clock on my cell phone. good googly-moogly! it was 2:30 a.m. ... i had to be up in like 5 hours.

so, i did what any sane person would do. i saved the game and did a bit of empire-building to get ready for my attack on the evil romans and the worthless germans. (that way - see - i could just attack when i got back to this game later.) so - i hit save again; and it's later than it was before (a lot later - or maybe it's eariler; i cannot fathom that kind of question at the moment).

this time - i really did go to bed. but, the game -- the game -- the GAME!!! -- kept playing in my head. the best way to connect my towns; the best way to take the iron that i was so meanly not given any; the best way to make sure that i corner the market on silk and salt-peter.

i know that i fell asleep - sooner or later - because i woke up to my alarm clock and felt like i had spent the night being beaten about the face and neck. i coffee'd up and did my deal. hoping to catch a nap later in the day - assuming that things were as slow today as they were supposed to be.

and they were - but ... my nap. yeah - did you know that you can play CIV during the time you're supposed to be napping - just like you can play it while you're supposed to be asleep? it's true - you can.

THIS is why i deleted off my hard drive last time. THIS is why i'm going to have to delete it again. but not right now, i'm about to place the rest of the planet under my thumb - which is where it belongs.

peace - out - andy

wednesday night worship

2006-07-27T01:49:00.000-04:00

note: i need to figure out how to write less here. this is too long - thanks for being patient as i try and curtail self-indulgent writing ways.

tonight’s scripture: isaiah 58: 6-9

it’s over ... and i’m not really sure how it went. that’s weird for me. there are times when i think it went one way and it went the other. there are times when i know exactly how it went ... but tonight, i think it went well. but, i really don’t know.

part of my problem is that when I looked up, i only looked up at the people who i knew where into the worship. more on that in a moment.

i got a word – but i never really got it “processed” (if that’s the right word). it either didn’t want to come out or i was not in tune enough with God to get it out or something else. i don’t have much of an idea about how prophetic flow works. i’m very much learning as i go.

more on that who i’m looking at: it’s sucks to be trying to lead worship and look up into the faces of people who are just not “getting it”. it’s easier to find the people who know are really pressing into God and – when you look up – look at them. but, it’s the people who aren’t pressing in that we most need to bring before His presence. looking at them – with your eyes and with your spiritual “senses” should give you some kind of connection to them. then, it’s time to begin to intercede for them – praying them into the Presence.

other things that happened tonight: we had a new singer – and she pretty much rocked. i will call her Ray – for the purposes of this blog. ray has amazing pipes ... there was more than one time when i wanted to look over to her and tell her to take it. but – as i’m a decent guy and it was her first time up there with me – i didn’t think that would be the loving thing to do to her. but – her voice blew me away: the power, the passion and the beauty of it. wow!

things i learned: (a) newly shaved heads and lots of sweat don’t really mix well. i needed a towel a couple of times to dry off with. i’m not one of those “unsweaty” fat guys – i’m a big, horking sweaty fat guy and tonight – it was pretty gross. but, gross is not as bad as sweat just rolling into your eyes. so, next time, i need to give my hair a couple of days to grow in before i lead (or find one of those “cool” nba style headbands. (b) never take the stage without some water around. my throat went dry about 15 minutes into the service and i just had to ride it out.

it was said to me tonight that we don’t really have enough people here to really change anything about the “water level” of our church. i guess that’s true – it’s certainly true in the natural world. but, i believe that God will honor what we’re doing – or i hope that He will. i’m just tired of “things as they were” and want to push to something new. i’m not saying that what was before was bad – because it wasn’t. i just think that there’s more – new places we can go as a Body than we just can’t access alone. there’s more that God wants to give us as we move in – together. i hope that i said that right – i really don’t want the people who read this to take offense. most of what i know, and most of what i have come to understand was learned at their feet. the members and leadership of the Believers Fellowship Worship team are very among my heroes of the faith; and i feel inadequate to even offer them advice.

a couple of weeks ago – when i led worship on sunday morning - i got a leading from God that i should ask everyone to join hands and sing a song: specifically “break dividing walls”. but, as the service ended, i didn’t have a chance to take it back from the headman that day. i did file that away for another day.

tonight, as we began the last song, i asked everyone to join hands as we sang. i wanted to create a feeling of family and unity – and i think that it worked some. But, as I looked out – people while they moved (physically) some, there were still pockets of hand-holders. There wasn’t ONE group of people – there were four or five. i didn’t press the issue – people were so spread out that i was happy to have as much movement as i got. still, i know that God wants us to become “one”.

the message tonight was about walking by faith instead of sight. as p.j. was giving the message, I began to see two roads: one “real” and one “faith”. along the real road, there was nothing ... no sense of progress and no sense of purpose: just deserts of doubt. on the faith road, i saw promises; i saw signposts and i eventually saw the thing that i have been praying for (whatever that might be). in this case, it was a tearing down of the walls between the believers in our body; and the beginning of real unity among this Body. after the inside walls have been destroyed, it’s time to bring down the walls of our building. they should be no impediment to the spreading of the great commission and the will of the Lord.

there are two great commandments that Jesus gave us. one: to love the Lord our God with all our might. two: to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. i wonder if we spend so much time learning how to love God with all our might that we have skipped the part about loving each other – or even ourselves.

the best news about commandment 2 (and 1 for that matter) is that we’re about to start home groups again. we’re going to spend time learning how to love God properly while we’re learning to love each other. i don’t think that home groups are the entire answer – but i do think that they are the place to start to learn to form good friendships, and Christ-love relationships.

the first home group really starts in mid-august. and i cannot put into words how excited i am to be a part of that group.

ok – that’s enough – good night. andy

worship vacation

2006-07-26T01:07:00.000-04:00

so – it’s sunday and we’re out of town. and we’re looking for a place to go to church. everyone back here has recommended that we try Morningstar in rock hill, s.c.. it’s rick joyner’s church and i enjoy his books. it turns out to be located at the old heritage usa (where my grandparents worked back in the day).

we arrived at the old Heritage USA and spent some time just sighting seeing the old place. my grandmother showed us where she used to work and where papa's office was (papa = my grandfather, in case you didn't already know that).

it was about now that we noticed the lack of cars. sure, we were a little early - but we wanted to be early. we finally pulled into the parking lot and there was a very large security guard (he looked a lot like john candy - but I didn't want to say that to him).

he said: "sorry folks! we're closed!"
me: "closed! what kind of church is this? where's suzi?"
guard: "oh! we close every month of july - it's our sabbatical month."
me: "you - you ... sabbatical month! that's ... i've never heard of such a thing.
guard: "Oh, just come back in august and we'll let you right in!"
me: "But ... but ... we just sold my grandmother's house. we don't really have anyplace to stay and ... "

it was about now that i looked back and saw the disappointment on both the wife’s and grandmother's face. 'here they are to worship!' i heard God saying.

i smiled at the guard and said: "well - ok. have a great day." he turned and started to walk back to his guard house. when he did, i made my move:

i grabbed his pistol!

me: "ok - fat man! we've come all the way from lynchburg, virginia and we're here to have a worship service! so - let's get these nice ladies inside and why don't you get some preacher and some worship-type people down here - pronto!"

a short hostage/terrorist session later ... we had rick and suzi and the rest of their worship team down there to give us our very own service. of course, i'm now in jail. but that's not going to stop us from trying to go on another worship vacation! :)

your pal - clark w. grizwold

family

2006-07-20T01:13:00.000-04:00

this weekend - we're taking our boys to see their great grandmother (my grandmother). it will be her first time meeting M. i must confess to having been born with the amazing blessing of having all 4 of my grandparents (and several great grandparents) living. my dad's dad (Papa Tim) died in the mid-90s; my mom's dad (Papa) died about a year later. both lived long and wonderful lives; both were great role-models for me; both were more fun to be around than i can put into words.

my dad's mom died shortly after i was married. she didn't get to come to the wedding; but she did meet my wife. we were blessed that my grandmother (my mom's mom) was at our wedding and knows T really well. she's been losing her memory since about 2002 - T's birth is one of the last things she really remembers well. i can't wait to introduce her to her newest great-grandson (she has 5 now with a 6th coming in october) M.

i enjoyed my grandparents - most of the time. i enjoy watching our parents become grandparents. as a child, you strive to find the acceptance of your parents; strive - but rarely seem to actually hit the mark (or maybe that's just me). but, when you pass your child into your parents arms - the acceptance is nearly Christ-like in its purity ... nearly unconditional acceptance. for me, this was something that i wasn't really ready for. my dad and mom - for the first time in years - really proud of me. (and i did so very little of the actual work - it was mostly her.)

i'm not sure if it's really pride or something else. some kind of alchemy of joining the "parent club", the "now you'll understand me more club", the "you just made me a grandparent club". something. but, it was there. my dad and i have had a better relationship in the 4+ years that T has been born than we have had probably anytime since i was older than 10. NOTE: the fault there lies with me and not him - in case you were curious.

and i enjoy that. getting to know him as someone other than my dad; more than my teacher is nice. my dad is probably the most important man in my life - i'll never have another relationship with a man as important as the one i have with him. i know that neither T or M will be as important to who i am as my dad was/is. but, in order to get to know him in this way, i had to become a dad. i don't know if everyone needs to do that - but i certianly did.

as i think about my dad, i am reminded of peter gabriel's song "father and son" ...

remember the breakwaters down by the waves
i first found my courage
knowing daddy could save
i could hold back the tide
with my dad by my side

"i first found my courage ... with my dad by my side." is there anything better that could be said from one man to another?

good night dad. i'll see you tomorrow.

andy

reviews: a movie - a cd - a dvd collection

2006-07-12T14:26:00.000-04:00

i tend to only really rant/rave about stuff that i like. so, other than mentioning them in passing, if i didn't like something - i won't write about it. just keep that in mind. i haven't really exposed my inner geek (and he's pretty big). so, i'm writing about comicbook movies and dvds. i've kind of given up on comics - at least for a while. part of it has to do with the price; part of it has to do with the general direction. but, i'm not here to talk about comics. the actual comicbook geek scares people. about the only titles that i'm really missing are ultimate spiderman, teen titans, robin, the outsiders, and captain america. And there's a really good chance that TT, Outsiders and Cap have all been ruined by "summer cross-over" badness. again, i could go on and on about why infinite crisis and civil war are bad - but that part of me scares people.

look! up in the sky ...

i went to see superman last week with some friends in greensboro. before i say anything else, let me assure you that there are no spoilers here.

i loved it! loved it; loved it; loved it. were there some problems: sure. it was a bit slow in the beginning. but, once the action kicked off; it was a thrill ride. but it was more.

it was also a good date movie. it was a great geek movie (with so many call backs to the first reeves' superman movie. i'm surprised that there wasn't someone in the crowd with a "bow before zod!" t-shirt.). it was a great superhero movie (nice to clean the pallet after X3); and it was way funnier than i had expected.

so - go and see it. check your show times and you'll thank me later. or you'll tell me that i'm full of it.

the blind boys of alabama

i bought the blind boys CD higher ground for my wife on a lark a couple of years ago for christmas. she opened it and looked at it as if it were a dead rat. but, she didn't take it back for something that she "liked more". it sat around out old house for probably eight months until i decided to open it and see if was as good as i had heard.

it was! if you don't mind your gospel mixed with some seriously good harmony and funk/r&b. i've been told recently that Jesus likes it funky - and after listening to these guys, i'm pretty sure that he does. they cover stevie wonder's higher ground, prince's the cross, curtis mayfield's people get ready, they play a p-funk riff over a spoken 23rd Psalm (WOW!), and a couple of Ben Harper classics.

i am encouraged that the church has room for all kinds of Christ-centered music. i am also inspired to play the hammond organ setting more while playing for p&w at church. i just need to get a bit better with my organ riffs.

there's something to the chemistry of a group of singers that has sung together for 60+ years. i need to figure out how to cover "i may not can see" sometime - without losing my eye sight. these guys are gold. if you like gospel music (or even just great vocal music), pick up this (or their christmas cd, go tell it on the mountain, or their latest cd atomic bomb).

justice league, season II (dvd collection)

when someone can explain to me why cartoon network cancelled this series (and the teen titans series), i'd like that information. while TT is relatively kid-based; JL is aimed at older fans. it has good stories and - unlike season one - has an over-arching story arc. season two is better than season one (in my opinion). the boards, animation and stories are better. it also has a couple more episodes.

do not give into warner brothers' rip-off release of individual episodes. exercise a little patience and wait for them to give you the entire season. or get the 3-episode dvds from netflix while you wait on the next season.

tim (age 4) and i watch most of these together. there are some that are just too scary or too complex for him (like the justice lords story). it's hard to explain why fascist superman is lobotomizing the criminals (but it was a nice way to send the character doomsday to his end). this show really seems to build well - even when it moves past the starcrossed story and into JL unlimited. the writers seem to know when to pull a character out of a story and which character to pull out.

so - get this if you like the justice league or even superhero comics. it has a great feel. and, if enough people buy the dvd - maybe someone somewhere will care and try and put it back on the air again. that would be a nice christmas present for me.

pax - andy

Worship, part 2

2006-07-10T00:35:00.000-04:00

plans. sure – it’s ok to have one; it might even be a really good plan. i like to think that i walked into worship with a very good plan. my key changes were slick – i had no real breaks in the music – i gave God a couple of places to take over with some free praise. i had a good plan. God had other ideas.

what i want out of worship
i am trying to come to the place where i care less about the music (and the performance aspects of leading worship) and more about both the people i am leading and the God that i am leading them to. i am learning that both are equally important; failing to lead the people is as much of a failure as failing to find God. however – finding God is a function of Holy Spirit … leading the people is also a function of Holy Spirit. really – I am just here to be worked through.

“performance” worship … it’s hard to think of worship like that, but, at times, necessary. the truth is that there are some members of your body that want (and maybe need) a show. they don’t regularly go into the Throne Room; worship doesn’t come easily to them. these are exactly the people that God wants so desperately to become intimate with. for the sake of these people, performing worship (appearing to be filled with the joy that you are sing about; playing and singing with some skill, even giving them songs that they like and can sing back to you) needs to be done. please don’t think that i’m looking down on these people. i am not - i used to be one of these people. These are the people that you (worship leaders) need to be leading most carefully into the Throne Room.

i am not talking about compromising here – i am talking about trying to do both. just something to think about.

the apostle’s creed
all week – i have been feeling that we (my church body) needed to make a confession about who God is and what He has done for us. i found such a confession in the form of the apostle’s creed – ancient: yes; traditional: yes; on-the-money: yes.

i asked my body to say the creed with me – and God worked through it (despite my fumbling some of the words (there are subtle differences in different versions of the creed and this threw me a little). my church is not the “canned prayer” kind of body – so this was a bit “high church” for everyone (including me). we hear teachings on the dangers of tradition – and so we often avoid things like this.

we are a modern (or even post-modern) church of an ancient faith – distancing ourselves from the previous moves of God is distancing ourselves from God. we should not be bound up in these moves – but we should be firmly standing on them. if the revelation was of God “back in the day” then it has some relevance to our lives now.

the creed is foundational to my faith; my body’s faith; and to the work of God in the world today.

song service
things went well – much of the credit for this goes to my rhythm section. they were rock solid and followed me (and led me) well. we followed the plan until God stepped in and began to impress Himself onto the service. from where i was standing, i think that Holy Spirit got everyone who was willing to go. He gave several people spiritual songs (and i was happy to be among those). i didn’t sing in the Spirit any today – or rather – i didn’t sing in tongues today. is there a difference between singing inspired songs in english and singing in your prayer language? i have no idea and will have to ask p.j. (p.j. is my pastor; he is also the regular worship leader) to answer that for me.

ending fast
if you read the last bit, you know that i had planned on ending the song service on a fast song – rather than a slow one. well, i didn’t. part of that was b/c of good points against that by j.c. (who was preaching today). part of it was that when we got to that moment – it didn’t feel right. it felt like i was trying to pull attention off of God and onto me.

i will keep that in mind for the next time i lead … i am still interested in the idea of ending in celebration of God’s goodness.

conclusions
any worship service where God shows up is a good worship service even if everything else went horribly. God showed up – the service was great. God honors His people when they press towards Him. kim jong-il could lead worship and if the people he’s leading really want God – God will find them. (note: I have better hair and dress better than kim jong-il … and i don’t have any nukes pointed at anyone (pity))

surprise
because i enjoy doing everything possible on one day (rather than splitting things up over multiple days), i threw (with the help of some wonderful party-elves) my wife a surprise birthday party today after church. we enjoyed the fellowship of several friends and had lunch (burgers, fruit, tater-tots, home-made cheesecake … hmmm). to those of you who came (and have enough time to read this), a hardy thanks! to my friends the part-time, party-elves … i say super thanks! to my beautiful wife – who’s birthday is really tuesday … i love you.

i’m done – finally. next time, a break from all this heavy discussion ... tune in for a review of justice league seasons one and two (both now out on dvd). and the father-son bonding that goes along with knowing who's-who and what's-what. i know – i know – i’m a geek.

pax - andy

worship – the pregame show

2006-07-09T00:23:00.000-04:00

it’s saturday night and (i wanna fight? – sorry sir elton) the music line up is set. i’ve run the songs through several times and tested my free praise chords to make sure that everything goes together. now – it’s 'pray and wait for God' time. not always something i’m very good with.

the line up, in case you want to know is: (1) can’t stop praising his name; (2) awake, awake of sleeper; (3) the mighty one of israel; (4) this is my father’s world; (5) how great is our god; and either a reprise (oh – BIG finish time!) of (6) can’t stop praising his name or (6b) amazed – depending on how things are going.

this question was first posed to me by cynthany – why is it that we never end on a fast worship song? why do we always end it in that (wonderful) high, holy quiet? why not try and end it in a moment of celebration? after all – He’s done so much for me (and you too).

as a self-proclaimed (repenting) traditionalist, this question had never crossed my mind – you always end quiet because “that’s the way we end things around here – and God probably likes it that way”.

anyway – she got me thinking that maybe i needed to rethink stuff.

j.c. (not Jesus – but the guy who’s preaching tomorrow in place of p.j. (who is on a much needed vacation)) was a bit concerned about the song selection. generally, i trust j.c. he’s a wealth of information and i took his words to heart. but, i’m still not sure that God always wants to end it “slow”.

the upshot of all this is that I have two ending songs – one back-up and one different. i’m hoping to have the freedom to use the different one and i hope that my church follows and we have a time of high, loud and fast praise. if i’m not feeling the freedom to do it – i have plan. (“a man without a plan – is not a man.” – Nietzsche)

unity

it’s what i want to try and create in my church tomorrow. it’s what God wants from us. the bible is pretty clear about our Lord coming back for his pure, spotless bride (not brides). that means that we have to have unity in the catholic church (catholic meaning universal – not Roman Catholic).

before my motley band of believers can come into unity with other churches – we’re going to need to learn to come into unity between ourselves. that means learned to love each other more perfectly – creating the Christ-bond of selfless love. just as there’s no sin that can separate us from Christ (if we are a believer), there should be no sin or issue that separates us from each other.

recently, God has been teaching me that corporate worship is different than private worship.

in private worship, all that matters is you and God; getting into His presence is up to you.

in corporate worship, what matters is that the church body gets into the presence of God. if we don’t get there together – then we don’t get there. i don’t believe that God is interested in worship leaders who are only interested in getting themselves into His presence. He wants worship leaders to – lead – their church/body into His presence.

what or who is a worship leader? i’ll reference Jesus’ teaching about “who is my neighbor” rather than re-hashing that here. from this we learn that worship leading is not confined to the stage/pulpit area. it’s not even confined to those who can sing or play an instrument. (one day, i’ll tell the story of the greatest worshiper i have ever heard; who can’t sing a lick.)

so – here’s my ‘great idea’. i plan on instructing my church – before p&w starts – to do the following:
1) begin to praise as usual
2) look around the room and begin to lift up their fellow body-members. praising God for His creation of that person; asking God how He feels about them (by the way, God loves them (and you) far more than we can imagine – in case you needed to know that).

now that whole “looking around at other people while worship is going on” is pretty much 180 degrees against most of what i’ve been taught. we’ve taught freedom in our worship by “closing ourselves off” with the Lord; not looking around to see what others are doing. and – while i agree with this to a point – i would propose that times are changing. we’re so caught up in not looking around that maybe we’re missing something. maybe – i’m still not 100% sure.

i am – however – excited to find out.

time for bed – andy

unexploded ordnance

2006-07-06T20:50:00.000-04:00

imagine my surprise when my parents called me up today to say “hey! the police have sealed our neighborhood! they say that there’s an unexploded bomb somewhere.”

“cool” i said – “or keep your heads down” – or something useful like that. the bomb – which was a vietnam-era mortar – was buried in a house that was right next to one i used to cut when i was a kid. so – i was never in any real danger (which is good to know this far from the fact).

i’m not sure why a vet would need to abscond the ‘nam with a mortar … but the best part was that it was LIVE – fuse primed and everything (if the police can be trusted). my parents live in a nice little southern town – and i have never (ever) known anyone there to need indirect fire munitions to keep people away from their house … and no one grows pot in the city limits. so, again, i can’t figure out what the motivation was. other than “how cool is this – a mortar round!. let’s impress girls.”

i have been around many girls and none (ok – one, but she was hella spooky) liked guns – much less this kind of thing. so, i’m still confused as to why the dude wanted the thing. but – he was a vet and i’m willing to cut him the benefit of the doubt just based on that.

good news – my mom just called to say that the explosive has been rendered safe by some kind-hearted civil servant (and really – thanks for looking out for my folks!).

that’s my weird story for the day (and i hope my only unexploded bomb story for the month (at least)).

peace – out - andy

Worship, part 1

2006-07-06T10:31:00.000-04:00

Last night, my most excellent friend Cynthia, led our Wednesday night song service. Depending on which side of the church you were on – it either went very well or very badly. The musicians were pretty unhappy with the way things went (more on the in a bit). The congregation (or the ones who spoke up) said they felt the presence of God during the service.

So – what’s up and who’s right?

Certainly, the musicians are – says the piano player. We weren’t together. We were often playing to multiple rhythms. We seemed to be fighting each other for most of the service. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not blaming anyone. I’m blaming most everyone (of the musicians); I will step up and take the lion’s share of the blame. Anytime the piano player is fighting the drummer and bass player for the rhythm – the piano player is wrong.

Cynthia clearly had done her praying before time. Her songs lined up with the Word that was opened up for us later in the evening. I should point out that Cynthia doesn’t play an instrument – and (at times) is at the mercy of those of us who do. It would not be unfair to say that we let her down a little.

That being said … I think that those who felt the presence of God were also right. God is not Andy-dependent; or even the Believers Fellowship Worship Team-dependent. God is God-dependent; and when His people start to press into Him, He will be found.

So, what did I learn?

Well, my dad always said you learn more when you fail than when you succeed. And that’s true here.

My first lesson is that I need to listen to my fellow musicians more. If I’m fighting the drummer or the bass player for control of the rhythm, I need to check myself.

My second lesson is that God moves regardless of what the worship team does. I think that the worship team can help; but when His people seek Him, He will be found.

The third lesson is this: Looking back, we (the musicians) should have stopped the worship service – prayed and taken a moment to get on the same page. In basketball, when his team is in trouble – the coach calls a timeout. We need to be more ready to break something that’s not working and re-set it. We need to let the intercessors in the congregation know when it’s time to intercede for us.

Fortunately, I’ll get a chance to put these lessons into action Sunday when I lead worship. If you think of yourself as a praying person (and you should), please begin to intercede for me.

Thanks!

Just the one brownie

2006-07-05T10:46:00.000-04:00

So – this is mostly a post to get my face down some on the blog. My face once should be enough for everyone. Yesterday was the fourth of July – America’s birthday and all that. We went to a party with a bunch (really – more than I thought possible) people from my Church. We had grilled food, some wonderful side dishes, and more desserts than I could track. I ended up being pretty good and only having 1 brownie.

Go Team Andy!

There’s something magical about watching kids play together in a big backyard. Jeff & Betty have a backyard that’s just made for kids to play in. They have like ten swings and a tree-house with slides and more swings on a swing set. I enjoyed watching the kids play more than anything. Many thanks to good people of Believers Fellowship and mostly Jeff & Betty for having everyone over.

Tune in next time for: Cynthia leads worship or Hail! Hail! Lion of Judah!

Peace out - Andy

Attempted #4 to get my picture to post - don't read this

2006-07-05T10:42:00.000-04:00

This is a photo of me - in a jester's hat. Mostly here so I can see how to add this photo of my profile.

update: 08 July 06 - My own mother didn't recognize me in this picture. Maybe I need a new one ... one that looks less "day 4 of the Grateful Dead show" and more "that's what I really look like". Too bad - this is the first picture I can remember having where I thought that I looked kinda cool.

Peace out - Andy

So - welcome and stuff

2006-07-04T12:25:00.000-04:00

I really should be upstairs with the family - the wife is alone with the boys and they outnumber her. Instead, I'm here setting up my blog - because that's good parenting. One day, one of the boys will want to know why I was down here instead of with them - and they can come here and read this.

It's the fourth of July 2006. That means that America is 230 years old today - which means that we're 30 years older than we were in 1976. Anyone remeber how bad the fashion was that year? There should have been some flag police out that day. Where is the ammendment banning the wearing of star-spangled speedos?? And people say that flag burning is offensive!

So - I can here them about to overrun her position in the kitchen and I'm going to save my beloved bride. I'm out.

Andy

The Jester's Basement

Surprise Comment

Leaves

the finish line

Wonderful

Worship

Today's Fox ...

Busy

Yeah -- Pandora Musical Genes

Fried Olives and Rain

Ten Years

My Amazing Wife

Church at GenCon

Look -- Down On The Earth

I Really Should Be Working

WOW

Summer Movies Number Two

Summer Movies Number 1

Waiting

Note

Andy's Pet Peeves (number 7432)

Experimental Church

Spider Webs

Judgment And Grace

Joy To The World

Domination and Submission

Without Water

Days To Remember

The Coolest Guy I Knew

Tim's Big Day

The Harvest

Crazy

We Have To Stop Meeting Like This

The Names of God, part the second

This Is My Father's World ... But it's mine too

Blind Boys - Ben Harper

Judges and Ruth

Water Into Wine

Boys

It's All About Me

Something different - A post

The David Hasselhoff School of Evangelism

Turning 39

Outside - In

Praise And Walking

Word of the Day:

Sometimes, Church Be A Trip

The Names of God

The Seder

One worship service and two funerals

Unity – My comments on a post from the Unity413 blog

Holy Spirit

I *do not* heart CIV

wednesday night worship

worship vacation

family

reviews: a movie - a cd - a dvd collection

Worship, part 2

worship – the pregame show

unexploded ordnance

Worship, part 1

Just the one brownie

Attempted #4 to get my picture to post - don't read this

So - welcome and stuff

I do not heart CIV