family

this weekend - we're taking our boys to see their great grandmother (my grandmother). it will be her first time meeting M. i must confess to having been born with the amazing blessing of having all 4 of my grandparents (and several great grandparents) living. my dad's dad (Papa Tim) died in the mid-90s; my mom's dad (Papa) died about a year later. both lived long and wonderful lives; both were great role-models for me; both were more fun to be around than i can put into words.

my dad's mom died shortly after i was married. she didn't get to come to the wedding; but she did meet my wife. we were blessed that my grandmother (my mom's mom) was at our wedding and knows T really well. she's been losing her memory since about 2002 - T's birth is one of the last things she really remembers well. i can't wait to introduce her to her newest great-grandson (she has 5 now with a 6th coming in october) M.

i enjoyed my grandparents - most of the time. i enjoy watching our parents become grandparents. as a child, you strive to find the acceptance of your parents; strive - but rarely seem to actually hit the mark (or maybe that's just me). but, when you pass your child into your parents arms - the acceptance is nearly Christ-like in its purity ... nearly unconditional acceptance. for me, this was something that i wasn't really ready for. my dad and mom - for the first time in years - really proud of me. (and i did so very little of the actual work - it was mostly her.)

i'm not sure if it's really pride or something else. some kind of alchemy of joining the "parent club", the "now you'll understand me more club", the "you just made me a grandparent club". something. but, it was there. my dad and i have had a better relationship in the 4+ years that T has been born than we have had probably anytime since i was older than 10. NOTE: the fault there lies with me and not him - in case you were curious.

and i enjoy that. getting to know him as someone other than my dad; more than my teacher is nice. my dad is probably the most important man in my life - i'll never have another relationship with a man as important as the one i have with him. i know that neither T or M will be as important to who i am as my dad was/is. but, in order to get to know him in this way, i had to become a dad. i don't know if everyone needs to do that - but i certianly did.

as i think about my dad, i am reminded of peter gabriel's song "father and son" ...

remember the breakwaters down by the waves
i first found my courage
knowing daddy could save
i could hold back the tide
with my dad by my side

"i first found my courage ... with my dad by my side." is there anything better that could be said from one man to another?

good night dad. i'll see you tomorrow.

andy