Turning 39

Bless me father for I have not blogged. It has been like 20 days since my last entry. Sorry I’ve been away – but things have been busy. I led worship tonight – and I think that it went very well. And, I normally like to talk about worship after (and sometimes before) I lead it. But today, I’m going to talk about me. As you can guess from the title of this email – I turned 39 this week. And, it’s given me a chance to pause and look at my life.

It is not true but I think of the year that I was 29 as the worst year of my life. So many bad things (many self-inflicted) happened to me that year. I lost three (or five (?) – you just lose track sooner or later) jobs. At least one of which would have been a very good long-term job. I was arrested (but really, what they arrested me for was something that I had already taken care of and I was released pretty quickly. Still, I was cuffed and rode in the back of a police car – it is not a fond memory.). I broke up with a girlfriend – wait, there were two of those.

Only one good thing happened to me that year – I returned to church and was restored by God. For that – well, first, I thank God; but second, I thank a very good friend of mine: Jennifer Davis. She was one of those people who you know are in prayer for you. As beautiful inside as she is outside, she’s was a real friend to me when I needed a reality check. She offered one to me in a most loving and kind way. So – Jennifer, thanks!

On 20 September, I lost my job. On 24 September (the day before my 30^th birthday), my girlfriend broke up with me. The next day, my friends threw me a party. None of them knew about the girl at the beginning of the evening and I don’t recall the party being much fun. I certainly wasn’t much fun to be around. But – they let me brood and ignored my surliness. They are my friends, and they proved it that night.

However, despite my job loss and my girlfriend loss, I had peace. I had a feeling that God had better things for me – even if I didn’t know what those things were. One of those was a new job – a better job and one that fit me well. The other great thing that God had for me was Lyn. We lived about 2 hours apart and we had our first meeting (it wasn’t a date) in early October. We just hung out and became friends. We met again the next weekend and again the next.

Those meetings began to become regular weekend dates. I was soon head-over-heels in love with her. A year later, we married. Everything that I had lost the year before, God had restored to me less than a year later.

Well, sort of.

When we got married, I moved and left my very good job and the church that I really liked. I began to look for a job in our new town and I began to regularly attend her church.

Marriage wasn’t exactly easy. We were both very different and we had lived alone long enough to develop our own habits (mine included a “store it where you drop it” philosophy that didn’t sit well with her). I found a job, but it paid much less and the hours were pretty horrendous. Those long hours kept us apart when we should have been figuring out how to be married.

Our new church – full gospel, charismatic – was not to my liking. They did things that I was uncomfortable with; and they liked to have long services. It was a hard couple of years. But, God told me that I needed to find ways to plug into this church. He told me that I would be blessed in accordance to how I plugged my family into the church. Lyn took a job in the children’s ministry (she has a touch and a love for kids that shows God’s anointing on her life) and I did a variety of technical things (I ran sound; I ran a camera; I edited video tape; that kind of thing). Those technical jobs eventually led to me getting on as a singer (and later a piano player and part-time worship leader) on the worship band.

Work got better – I was promoted and finally left for a better job (the one I still have). God was blessing us as we were faithful. I was (slowly) learning that He was our provider.

We had mostly resolved that we wouldn’t have children. We had tried – and not that that wasn’t fun – but it didn’t seem like we were getting anywhere. Then – when we were pretty much happy with just life with the two of us … God gave us Tim.

Wow – that was a good day. Everyone says that their kids are beautiful – but I really mean it. Tim is a beautiful kid (as you can tell from that photo). I remember riding around the night he was born (he was born in the morning). Lyn was tired and sleeping; our parents were tired and sleeping; most of our friends had moved out of town – I was a one man party looking for some people.

As Tim grew up, we (Lyn and I) grew together. My new job afforded much more time for us to be together and having to work together to keep this new kid alive was good for us. The past 4 years have seemed to fly by – until Lyn got pregnant again.

The nine months that she was carrying Mack and the 4 since have put things in perspective. Even though it’s more work, life has slowed down some. And – it’s become sweeter.

But, tomorrow will be better than today.

That’s not a thought that I had when I was 29; it’s not even a thought that I had when I was 19. It’s not the same thought that I had when I was 9 and thought that I was going to be the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins when I grew up. It’s the thought of a 39 year old husband and father of two who accepts that there will be pain, and struggle, and things that I don’t understand. It’s the thought of a 39 year old child of God, who marvels at his Heavenly Father’s works. I have learned – over the past 10 years – to trust God.

God is faithful. God is faithful. God is faithful.

When I was 20, I used to think that 39 was *hella* old. But now that I'm here, it doesn't seem so bad.

Thanks for listening — Andy

Outside - In

I recently had dinner with a woman who has recently come back to our Body. She told me that when she returned, she saw the “same old Believers Fellowship – only shrunken some.”

She went onto explain that how – when she went there years ago – there was a small “core” group of 10 to 15 centered around the pastor and how that group was still intact with some new people in the outer circle and some people hanging on around the fringe. She felt like she was “on the fringe”.

Then she made the following metaphor, that those on the fringe are like hurting or old animals. Easily picked off by the wolves. These people are – more or less – not made to feel really welcome by our Body. Why?

I’m going to go with:

(1) It’s hard. Meeting someone new; taking them to lunch; getting to know their family; allowing them to become part of your life … that’s hard work. It takes time away from the people you are already friends with.

(2) It’s tough. Sometimes, the new people have problems – hard problems. Problems that the easy “all things work together” or “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” won’t easily wipe away. Helping people who have problems means that you have to take on part of those problems yourself. And – don’t I already have enough problems?

So - to sum up: it’s hard and it's tough. That pretty much exempts us (as Americans) from getting involved. Americans are not allowed (by federal law – I understand) to be made uncomfortable. But even some who make themselves uncomfortable are not immune from this.

I know some Christians who can pull a multi-day fast; but will get offended by a man with a nose and tongue ring. Why? How can it be easier to deny your own body food and deny someone else’s a friendly handshake and greeting?

I have this theory – it might be wrong but, here goes. True Unity is harder than Holiness.

Once you have made the decision to live a Holy life, God is there to help you. Sure, you’ll stumble along the way. Yes, you won’t be perfect. But, God will be there with you – to prick your heart and turn you to repentance. However, Unity requires the acceptance of another person. Anyone who wishes can accept God. But, accepting this dirty, stinking, homeless man;or accepting that a Catholic believer might have a Spirit-filled life; or accepting that the guy who is fighting a coke habit and can’t keep a job can be used by God: that takes more than most of us are willing to offer. And by “us” – I mean “me”; it’s hard for me to speak for you.

It takes the love that Jesus showed for each of us on the cross.

So – back to the fringe.

The fringe is real. Every church has marginal, at-risk, hurting “members” who could slide away from where God wants them over the slightest thing. But, what can we do about the fringe?

My friend’s suggestion is that those of us who are strong in the Body patrol the Body. We work the back of our building and we ask questions: “What do you need?” — “How are you today?” — “What can I do for you?” Not what can God do for you. You – let God will work through you. Get to know the people “in the fringe”. Bring them into the “middle”; work to protect them. Think how much easier it will be to keep a sheep from becoming lost than it will be to find him after it gets lost.

And – here’s the hardest (and best) part of all. This is not a “platform” thing. This is a Body thing. My Pastor is only one person and he has his plate full with what he’s doing. However, the Body has lots of people. Some of whom need to be willingly out patrolling the fringe looking for ways to keep these “at risk” believers safe. We need to be actively walking out – in love – the Watchman’s walk; the Shepard’s walk. Keeping away wolves and bears and all manner of attacks.

Our inner circles need to be made larger; our cliques need to be broken up. We need the kind of love that seeks out needs and then – once found – meets them. That’s the kind of love that Jesus showed so often.

Thanks for listening.

Andy