It's All About Me

Two totally unrelated things happened this week that have me wondering about … well, me. The first was the reaction of a friend who did a small freak-out because he is going to turn 40 – in a couple of weeks. He didn’t do anything stupid: no red, sports car; no three-day blow binge; he didn’t start dating self-destructive, early-20s girls … all he did was just check out from “stuff” for a several days and got depressed. I have a lot in common with this friend – we have similar hobbies; we have kids about the same age, and battle some of the same problems. So, since I am turning 40 (in September), I began to wonder if I would have the same kind of reaction.

I am getting middle-aged (wait – I am already there). I’m not the kind of person who thinks of themselves as old (or even middle-aged). I am very much a kid at heart and try and stay young. But, there’s no doubt that I can’t work a 12 hour shift in a Wendy’s and then go and play basketball until 4AM with my friends from the crew; catch 4 hours of sleep and pull another 12 hour shift. I certainly can’t do that over a week. What used to be my amazing eye-sight (20/5) has become 20/25 over the last several years. It annoys me that I can’t read the streets signs before everyone else.

Event Number Two: Monday night, I went to a seminar about prayer and praise. It was *really great*. His talk/practice was about “Worship driven prayer”. You should check him out if you have any desire to never go to a “same old, same old” prayer meeting again. http://www.navpress.com/Store/Product/1576836878.html

Toward the end of the evening, he asked everyone under 30 to raise their hands. Since the event was hosted at Thomas Road Baptist Church, it has a lot of kids from Liberty University there – there was a lot of “young people” (wasn’t I just one of those?). He then asked for “the old people” (I’m not sure if those were his words or not) to go and lay hands on the young ones. As I looked around the room, God pointed out a guy to me – he was a college-aged guy and I was lead to pray for him. I’m not really sure what I prayed for the guy; I am pretty sure that I didn’t pray in the Spirit – out of respect for the place where I was. But, I felt the power of God flowing from me to him.

I guess that it had not really hit me that part of “not being young” was that I had something to offer that I didn’t have when I was younger.

You’d think that being a father would have made that pretty clear; apparently not. I need something – or maybe someone – other than my own life and kids to make that apparent.

So – to sum up: getting older isn’t so bad. It’s just different. Still, I miss my eye-sight.

I have started reading the Bible through. And, so you can keep score at home, I thought that I would add an update about where I am. Today I ended my readings with Numbers 20.

I’m listening to Toby Mac – Welcome to Diverse City.

Peace - Andy

Something different - A post

So wow – apparently this thing stays up – doesn’t matter if you use it or not.

Welcome back! Honestly, you have probably been where you are for awhile and I’m mostly welcoming myself back. Bear with me – please.

What’s new – you asked? Not as much as I’d like. My job is going to be transitioning from full-time employee to part-time freelancer. I’m not really sure how that’s going to work out; but I’m feeling the gentle whisper of “trust Me” from the Big Guy. I hate it when He does that.

There have been signs all around that my life is transitioning from what’s old to something new. And, I can feel my feet digging in to fight that. Which is weird – I normally like change. Something is different this time ... maybe the changes that are coming are bigger than I’m used to. Maybe I’m going to be asked to sacrifice something that I have not wanted to in the past. (Actually – I’m pretty sure that that’s it.)

I have a friend who once said to me “pain creates change”. He’s right. I can feel the pain in what I’m doing and where I’m going and I want to run from it. I like my luggage or most of it anyway. But, if God called us to give up the things that we didn’t like that we held on to – sacrifice would seem much easier. More on this at some later point.

I grew spiritually last year probably more than any other year. After the months of growth, there was a time of rest and recovery. My mind began to process and apply the lessons that I had been learning and now, I can feel the growing again.

It’s different this time and the purpose is different. Mostly, I can feel a call to something and I’m not really sure what that something is or how to do it. There are movements and passions in the Body of Christ that I want to be plugged into; that I want to help.

Other than trying to become a more proficient piano player and singer; and a better worshiper, my other task this year is to read the Bible through. I started just after 01 January and am now in Leviticus. Which is ... tedious. But, even in the tedium of that, I am finding applications for my life.

Lastly, a reflection on worship ...

I was struggling with worship one Sunday. It all felt like work to me – and it was entirely a struggle. I felt condemned by this: given the opportunity to help lead my part of the Body in worship and all I could feel was myself and my needs. I had to work my way through it, and once finished I felt that I had been passionless.

I spent several days beating myself up over it. Then, I heard someone preaching about the dedication of the Temple (one of my favorite stories from the Bible). In I Kings 8:63 Solomon sacrificed 2,200 bulls and 120,000 sheep. Now, I’ve read Exodus and Leviticus and God was pretty specific about how things were supposed to be sacrificed.

120,000 sheep had to take awhile and after (say) sacrifice number 71,324 or so it would have to be tiring and a lot like work. If you say that you could kill one sheep per minute for 24 hours – (unless my math is wrong 120,000/1440 (number of minutes in a day) it would take 83.3333 (repeating) days to sacrifice that many sheep. Sooner or later, you have to think that these Levities got tired and wanted to go home. But, they didn’t – they did their job.

[Note: My probably overly-vivid imagination asks ... what did they do with all the blood and “parts” that didn’t get burned. But, enough of that.]

My point is this: that was work; it was also worship. So, I decided that I’m not perfect and that occasionally, I will work through my worship. Because that is obedience.

Thanks for sticking around and reading all of that. I wanted to write more, but I figure that I can come back and do this another time. Apparently, they never take these things down.

Pax - Andy

CDs to consider: I picked up a couple of really great Christmas CDs this year. One was "Go Tell It On The Mountain" from the Blind Boys of Alabama (http://www.blindboys.com/), "Wintersong" from Sarah McLachlan, and "Barenaked for the Holidays" from the Barenaked Ladies. All are worth listening to, highlights include: "Away In A Manger" by the Blindboys with George Clinton; "In the Bleak Mid-Winter" from Wintersong (her voice touches this song wonderfully) and "God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen" by BNL and Sarah McLachlan (...best...version...ever...)